I am writing to get some ideas on dealing with my addictions. I am not talking about serious addictions such as alcohol and drug abuse, but more like everyday addictions - eating too much, watching too much TV, wasting too much time, spending time daydreaming about men who are not good for me. Sometimes it feels like these compulsions are running my life more than I am. How do I get these things under control so I can live the life I want to live?
Thanks,
Can't Seem to Stop
"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to success is more important than any other one thing." - Abraham Lincoln
Dear Can't Seem to Stop-
Congratulations! It takes courage to face those unhealed parts of ourselves head-on and it sounds like you are ready to do just that. Since you're a behavioral junkie and not chemically addicted, the shift should be easier to make! Away we go!
As human beings, we all have unconscious behavior patterns. Yours are currently becoming conscious, which means that on some level, they are ready to be worked with and released. We would highly recommend Pema Chodron's Book on CD "True Happiness" in which she talks about what she refers to as "our habitual cravings" and how to work with them. This is a great way to get started as she applies a very gentle touch to our very human addictions and patterns of behavior.
Like many of us it sounds like you have a few things you'd like to work on. We would recommend you focus on one addiction at a time, knowing that as you root out one you are also loosening the hold of the others. Isn't that Divine?
To get there, here are some steps to take:
1) Begin first by being gentle with yourself and acknowledge that each moment is a new beginning. In the here and now, you are setting your intention to make a different choice. Really feel into that. Bring your mind back from the past where you chose to over-indulge or engage in a behavior that didn't serve your highest good. Let go of any guilt or shame you might have about last week, yesterday, this morning or 5 minutes ago. Inhale, breathe and be here NOW!
2) Then give it up to God (or Source, The Universe, however you refer to your Higher Power), whatever "it" is. Spend time in prayer, talking about this issue with your Higher Power and turn the issue over. With acknowledgment of where you have been, affirm that love, support, guidance and the power to make a new choice in each moment is yours. Ask for your inner knowing and voice to become more clear in each moment, with each choice so that you may more loudly hear the voice of Divine guidance. The more you do this, the harder it'll be to "override" your internal GPS that knows your greatest good. Source is always with us awaiting our "ask." Our job is to remember and surrender!
3) Spend time meditating on the root cause or root emotion that seems to be at play. When you are feeling safe, centered and open, ask yourself what you need to know about your addiction. What memories surface for you around this? What need is being met by choosing to overeat, over-indulge in TV or daydreaming about men? Often this dialog shines a light on an issue from childhood and a time when we escaped to feel better or overate to numb uncomfortable feelings. See what comes up for you. Where does that emotion come from? A past life? A specific current-life situation? Or is it a more general pattern of behavior or personality? It may take some time and many sessions to get to the root of the issue, but keep trying and know that you will get there.
4) Then try and do some releasing work by "fasting" on whatever it is you are struggling with. Start small with one hour, one day or one week and move on to bigger and bigger chunks of time - one month, one season, or even one year. Set yourself a reward (not something to do with the habit though because this will further ingrain it as a "reward") for meeting your goal and celebrate your achievement.
To support your releasing work, we would recommend signing up to receive a copy of our Violet Flame meditation (see sidebar at right). This is a very powerful meditation and one of its specific purposes is to work on releasing negative energy patterns in our physical body. Try it for 30 days on this issue and expect miracles!
5) Repeat as necessary. Life is a process and the spiritual path is called "practice" for reason. If you fall off your own wagon, get back on and start again. Like they say in AA, One Day at a Time!
As you work on this issue, recognize your humanity and forgive your self if you don't succeed on the first try. Keep digging at the root cause in meditation and working on releasing through fasting.
If the habit/addiction persists, you might try hypnosis as this can be a way to get at unconscious patterns by side-stepping the Ego attachment to it. Ask your friends for a recommendation or check your local natural services directory or even Yelp. Look for someone with good reviews who appears professional and reputable.
Don't give up. These patterns of addiction may be long-standing and deeply ingrained (for more information on how this works on a physical level, we highly recommend the movie, "What the Bleep Do We Know?") Be patient with yourself and know that one day you will look back in wonder at the hold this pattern had on your life.
And remember, as human beings we are not perfect, nor is it possible for us to be. Our imperfections are part of who we are and a part of the process of life. Embrace this part of the experience and we think you will find it easier to let go of the general pattern of addiction. As Pema Chodron puts it:
"We think that if we just meditate enough or jog enough or eat the perfect food, everything will be perfect. But from the point of view of someone who is awake, that's death. Seeking security or perfection, rejoicing in feeling confirmed and whole, self-contained and comfortable, is some kind of death. It doesn’t have any fresh air. There's no room for something to come in and interrupt all that. We are killing the moment by controlling our experience."
And finally, for some humor on the subject, we turn to our old friend Bob Newhart on MadTV,
Sending you peace, oneness, love & light,
Jennifer & Lara
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