Do you have any advice for a Bewildered Soul?

Hi Soul Sisters,

We connected on Twitter and I thank you for the follow; it gave me the opportunity to look through your web page, which I love. You both have shared incredible stories about yourselves and the trials and tribulations that each one of you endured and persevered with much personal success.

I am writing to you as I have, for the past decade (in particular) been a floater. I seriously lack self motivation and confidence in myself and my capabilities. Long ago, in my teen years I read a lot on spirituality and had a keen interest on religions; this was squashed by my father as he feared I would stray from our Jewish heritage. I was a rebellious kid/teen/young adult. I have lived in three countries and now returned home to Toronto, ON Canada where my family lives. I am a divorced woman who married a New Yorker and I have no children.  

I have been back in Canada now for 6.5 years and just was just let go from my job 6 months ago. I am medical secretary by profession. When I returned home I upgraded my skills and got a job for 2 yrs and was fired; same thing happened again, I was working for a family practitioner for the past 3 yrs and was let go. I have been in a secretive personal battle within myself for as far back as I can remember and not once had I ever addressed the situation. Finally, I found some salvation in a life coach who helped me to regain the inner strength and wisdom I have always had; only now I struggle with self motivation and a fear of failure. 

I have always loved to write stories, love poems, articles on self improvement only I never shared any of my work with others.  I opened a blog for myself and of course I lost my momentum. I am struggling to find work in the medical field but times are tough and I am still out of work. I would love to focus on my writing only I find that my life is so lonely and quiet. If I do something one day I feel proud of myself but then the next day I fall short and end up berating myself. It is a vicious cycle.  

My life coaching was very effective and opened my eyes to all the truths that I denied. I re-connected with my inner child and I now listen to her, but I fear the connection is weak; otherwise,why wouldn't I be more pro active in asserting myself on my path to grow stronger and love myself unconditional: whether I fail or succeed that is. All that comprises life is a learning lesson but I just can't seem to do right by my own self. Is there any suggestive help measures either of you may offer a bewildered soul?
 

Many thanks.

Much peace and love, S.

Dear Bewildered Soul:

Thanks for writing. We are grateful to Twitter for connecting us! It sounds like you are feeling "stuck" - internally and externally - which can be a really hard place to be.

The first thing we would say is: give yourself a break. From your email, it's clear that you’ve worked hard – you upgraded your job skills and consulted a life coach - but you don’t fully appreciate all you have accomplished. This isn't something that comes naturally, especially if you were not free to fully express yourself as a child or tried to be “perfect,” and takes reprogramming of some very old patterns, but you can do it.

The next time you’re berating yourself, hit the pause button and take a couple of deep breaths. Consciously do a 180-degree turn and recognize something good about yourself: What did you do right today?

Acknowledge YOU out loud for this and give yourself a hug. If you can't think of anything, immediately go and do something you can be proud of – scrub the bathtub til it gleams, take a sick friend some soup, go for a walk and get some exercise – then give yourself that hug. Sometimes our expectations of ourselves are so high we can't possibly measure up to them.

Before you get dressed in the morning, try standing in front of the mirror. Look the beautiful woman you are in the eyes and connect with the soul of your being. Practice saying, “I love you,” to her and before long, you’ll really mean it!

Losing a job is hard and can shake us to our very core. However, it can also be a gift. Sometimes what we're doing for a living is not our true work in the world. If we don't get moving on our own, The Universe will often nudge us along, pointing us in the right direction.

We hear so much joy when you talk about writing and sharing your wisdom with others. You're right, it can be isolating and hard to keep up the momentum. Why not join a writing group (either in person or online) where you can connect, workshop and make some new friends with common interests? A shared passion can add so much fuel to your fire! (Cosmic Cowgirls University is a great resource for SPARKING! ideas and they have monthly programs to keep you going. They’ve also got a magazine and opportunities for contributing as a member. Giddy-up!) Start a blog that is easy for you to be consistent with. If you start one and it doesn't take off, let it go and start a new one. Be gentle with yourself about the do-over. Eventually you will find the topic and format that feels right and your writing will flow easily and effortlessly.

While we're looking for a job or hatching plans for a new career, the big picture can feel overwhelming. To help you hone in on what you really want, write a story about your ideal day. Who are you with? What are you doing? Where are you living? What are you eating for dinner? Get very specific and let your creativity flow. Knowing what you're working towards will release the pressure valve a bit. Then bring your focus back to this moment. What feels good right now? If it's take a nap, take a nap. If it's walk in the woods, then do that. Lots of people stuck in the office would be a bit jealous!

Once you've got a clear vision of your "dream" life, see if you can turn the "how" over to The Universe. Affirm daily that you are grateful for your new life and that the perfect doors are opening all around you. When they show up - and they will - walk through them! The more you focus on gratitude, appreciation and the moment, the more opportunities you'll create. In the words of George Michael: "You gotta have faith a faith a faith.."

We are sorry that your childhood interest in religion and spirituality was squashed by your father. As children so much of who we are is not acceptable to the adults in our lives because of their own fears. Our job as adults is to break free from the chains that were wrapped around us in childhood and become who we really are, who we are meant to be.

You do not owe your father adherence to his religious beliefs anymore. You are free to choose the spiritual path that is right for you. This doesn't mean you have to completely abandon your Jewish heritage. There may be rituals and traditions from that faith that still speak to you and which you can incorporate into your spirituality. You may want to attend synagogue or spend Shabbat with your father from time to time in order to honor that tradition and the ways in which it was positive for you.

At the same time, make it a priority to get back to your spiritual self. Read those books you wanted to read, attend services of other religious faiths and see what resonates for you now. Don't let another day go by without giving your soul what it needs. This is your time and the time is NOW.

Finally we would say that being a “floater” is underrated. The status quo as we've known it since the Industrial Revolution is changing. More and more people are realizing that “corporate culture” and its promises of happiness through material success have not delivered and have done much damage to our world, our environment and our psyches.

Allow yourself to expand beyond traditional definitions of success and happiness to those that work FOR YOU. This may mean having a part-time job in the “real world” AND working at something that furthers your dream of being a writer. It may not look like imagine it will. And, as often happens with The Universe, it may look even better! Be open to all of the possibilities that life presents.

And remember, always LISTEN to yourself & LOVE yourself!

Peace, Oneness, Love and Light,

Jennifer & Lara

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"Why is it that the things we want most in life are the scariest to go after?"

Dear EVF (Excitement v. Fear):

Thanks for being our first Dear Soul Sisters customer. What a great question to kick us off!

What comes to us initially is this: Because we are so afraid of being disappointed.

If we keep our big dream sacred, safe and "out there," we've always got it to go after. It's the clarion call and the end of our life's rainbow. And while it's the one thing we've never tried, it also remains the one thing at which we've never failed.

Marianne Williamson says, "...our biggest fear is not that we are inadequate, our biggest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure..." As we start shining our bright light, our ego often invents road blocks and reasons why we can't possibly go on.

Somewhere along the line, we learned it's safer to stay small, to stick with the herd and yes, to shun the spotlight. But your Divine Dream keeps coming back because it's the truth of who you are. You wouldn't be feeling so uncomfortable with your status quo if the potential inside of you weren't ready to be unleashed. Your soul knows what's possible and it's egging you on, but FEAR keeps showing up to crash your party.

Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of all the "what ifs?" It appears like a ticker-tape though the mind, "You should get a 'real' job" "Don't be so unreasonable" or "What are the chances of making it big?" These voices show up, uninvited, to push our dreams away; the choice to believe them and attach energy to them, however, is all ours.

Next time you get some unsolicited advice from your inner-roommate, try telling her gently to "STOP." You can even thank her for sharing her opinion but politely disagree. Then move on to something more constructive. If that won't work...

FEEL THE FEAR

Most of us have not learned to deal with strong feelings in a constructive way. We spend a lot of our lives suppressing our fears, keeping them quiet and holding them in.

Set aside time and a quiet space to really FEEL your fear. Ride the wave of sheer terror and see what gifts are waiting for you there. What are you really afraid of? Why? Where does this fear come from? Is it a current fear? Or something based in your past?

Then ask yourself: Is this something I am ready to leave behind or something I still need to deal with? If the former, create a ritual (like a burning bowl) to release this fear and set yourself free; then move forward. If the latter, get some help. Find a book (Pema Chodron’s "From Fear to Fearlessness" is a great one on this topic), a life coach, a therapist, or even a trusted friend to help you work through the issue so you can be ready to release it and move into your full power.

Sometimes fear is more a smokescreen than a teacher, if that is the case try this exercise from Kare Castle, Spiritual Life Coach, who teaches that "the truth shall set you free."

Each of us has an internal litmus test to separate FEAR from Truth. Next time you get a thought, hold it for a minute. If it starts your heart racing, your mind monkeying and your angst engine reviving, it's your old friend FEAR.

The truth, on the other hand, will send warm waves through your body, make your soul smile and blanket you in calm. This can save you hours of anxiety because you no longer feed FEAR what it wants the most: more FEAR.

JUST DO IT

Once you have worked with your fear the next step is to start doing whatever it is you dream about. You want to be a painter? PAINT. Yes, you may have the dream of seeing your work in a gallery, making a living from your work, or even becoming famous, but it all starts with the doing. That's where the joy is.

FOLLOW YOUR GUIDANCE

As you move toward your dream, listen to your Higher Self. If you get a feeling to do something, contact someone about an opportunity, or enter a contest, DO IT. Sometimes this guidance will make no sense and seem to lead nowhere, but each step of the journey takes you places you cannot even imagine right now.

If you have trouble connecting with your guidance, start a meditation practice. Spend 20 minutes in the morning or evening just breathing and listening to yourself, far away from the thoughts and noise and business of the day. After awhile you will find that your internal voice becomes louder, easier to hear and harder to ignore. This is when things get really interesting!

BREAK IT DOWN

Don't make it so big. Sometimes our dreams can overwhelm us with their sheer bigness. It doesn't seem possible that we can accomplish THAT from where we are NOW, but remember "a thousand mile journey begins with one step." Take that first step right now and worry about the thousandth step when you get there. Send an email, sign up for a class or spend some time creating a vision map of your sublime success. Before you know it, the thing that was too scary to go for will be your reality!

Here's to excitement and going after what you want most! It wants you too!

Peace, Oneness, Love and Light,

Jennifer and Lara

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