Dear Soul Sisters: February 2012

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Find Gifts in a Season of Illness

Dear Soul Sisters,

I am really struggling with illness this winter. It seems every new bug that goes around I get. I really resent having to slow down and put my life on hold for another illness. I know on one hand that this is crazy, but it's how I FEEL. What can I do about it?

Sick of Being Sick

"The power of love to change bodies is legendary, built into folklore, common sense, and everyday experience. Love moves the flesh, it pushes matter around.... Throughout history, 'tender loving care' has uniformly been recognized as a valuable element in healing." - Larry Dossey

Dear One,

Sorry to hear of your illness. We send you lots of love and healing light.

In the course of our busy lives, none of us likes to get sick and be forced back to bed. Yet, often, that's just what the dis-ease is inviting us to do. So, first of all, get your butt into bed as soon as you start to feel sick. Good troopers that we are, we often "try" a day at work or school when we know in our hearts it's not what we need! Giving ourselves this permission slip works wonders for holistic healing.

We know it's not easy to be sick, especially when you have a busy life and lots to accomplish, but as you've found this winter, "What you resist, persists." (Carl Jung) Our advice to you the next time you find yourself under the weather is to fully embrace the experience of being sick. We know this will be hard, especially at the beginning, so try and think of it as a game. Exaggerate your symptoms, whine as much as possible, baby yourself with all of the comforts you need - warm baths, hot tea and LOTS of rest. Let yourself veg out and watch "bad" TV or old movies that comfort you. Fully embrace the experience of being sick and see how that feels to your body and your psyche. We bet you will be astounded to discover that healing happens faster when you fully allow yourself to be sick. As Cami Walker, Founder and Chief Evangelist of the 29 Day-Giving Challenge, who has MS, says "Feel and experience every symptom. The symptoms are a part of the healing process."

Secondly, the brilliant Carlos W. Anderson gave us this nugget: Look at any illness or injury as a "workshop" from God, Spirit or Source. It's gonna last as long as it lasts so you'd might as well enjoy it! Hunker down, tune into your soul and see what shows up! Many times we're hit with big a-has and revelatory insights when we stop and simply be. If you're really going crazy being bed-bound, listen to a book on tape or some soothing music. Then welcome the waves of inspiration that follow.

Also take this as an opportunity to ASK for help and trust that those around you are willing and able to give it. ASK your boss for an extra day off. ASK your neighbor for a carton of orange juice as they head out to the store. ASK your sweetie for a back rub. Asking for help can be really, really hard for some of us, especially when we are already feeling vulnerable and "useless," but it is an important part of learning to be in this world. We all need help sometimes and it feels really good to be able to GIVE that help to another so think of it this way, you are giving someone the GIFT of being able to help you!

If you are still struggling, turn the situation around and ask yourself what you would do (and how you would feel about it) if the shoe were on the other foot. If your boss had a terrible cold and called in sick would you cover for her willingly? If your neighbor asked for some juice from the store would you be pleased to help? If your sweetie needed some relief in the form of a back rub would you do it with love? If you can can answer "yes," don't hesitate to ASK.

As you get to the end of your illness and are starting to feel better, take some time to reflect on what you have learned - yes, learned! - from this illness. Most common colds and stuffiness are an indication that our head is literally too full of stuff. Consider a cold a big brain drain and let it all GO! If you've got a flu or other affliction, turn like we do to the amazing Louise Hay and her book, "You Can Heal Your Life". She gives great insight into what ails and affirmations to heal it away! Each part of the body has its own message for us and we'd invite you to pay attention.

At the same time, tune into your own knowing and see what is here for you. Meditate on what this illness is trying to teach you. Try asking yourself the following questions from Frank Lipman, MD: 1. What is harming you and needs to be removed to permit the body to heal? and 2. What is lacking or what does your body need to promote healing? Then answer these questions for yourself. When we're ill, we often return to a simple diet of fruit juice, chicken soup and hot herbal teas. What do you cut out when you're knocked out by illness? Maybe it's time to leave this habit behind for good. What else needs to go? A stressful job? An unhealthy relationship? Start today to let go of whatever you need to in order to bring in more light! At the same time, what does your body need more of in order to feel healthier? More water? More exercise? More sunlight? More love? Whatever you need more of, make time for it TODAY and EVERY DAY!

Once you are feeling like your old self again (or, hopefully, even better!) don't fall back into old habits. Don't forget to - as Kit says to Vivian in the movie Pretty Woman - "Take Care of YOU." Get the rest you need every night (or more often than not), eat well, take time for yourself, rest, relax, play, whatever you need to feel good and stay healthy. If this pattern of repeated illness continues, it might be a good idea to have a regular checkup, either with an MD or an ND, to rule out an underlying condition. And, you might want to explore some supplements or herbs that would help boost your immune system so that you can get through the rest of the winter symptom-free.

We know it's not easy in our modern, busy world to slow down and care for ourselves. But, if we don't (as you have found out this winter), our bodies will make sure that we do. Think of your ongoing self-care as a preemptive strike on your next illness!

We send you peace, oneness, love & light as you feel & heal!

Jennifer & Lara

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Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Procrastination: Problem or Process?

Dear Soul Sisters

It seems like I ALWAYS wait until the last minute to start work and meet deadlines. While I do eventually get things done and on time, I'm wondering what this pattern is about? Is it something I should look at or just the way I am?

Thanks!

"There is a way which is supremely effective. Just look at yourself as you are, see yourself as you are, accept yourself as you are, and go ever deeper into what you are." --Nisargadatta Maharaj

Dear Procrastinator,

Thanks for your question! It sounds like you got it in just in time! ;) As we work with the mad rush here too, we're happy to help you unpack procrastination "problem."

You ask if this is something you should look at or "just the way I am?" We would answer, "BOTH." Our personality traits and peccadilloes come from who we are and how we have reacted to what's happened in our life. So this tendency is a part of you and may also have been nurtured and fed by the path your life has taken.

So first things first, we'd invite you to celebrate with some self-love! We know, we know. It's more "fun" to spend some time beating yourself up. But, from here, it sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. And, since you say you do meet your deadlines and aren't shirking any responsibility, we'd urge you to give up seeing the way you work as "wrong." Your process is YOUR process and the last minute might be all part of the Divine timing at work in your life. Give yourself a big hug of love and pat on the back for getting 'er done!

If this is hard for you, spend some time working on getting to acceptance and self-love. In the words of Sidney Madwed “At any moment each person is always doing the VERY BEST he can..." Find a quiet place and say to yourself loud and clear and with confidence: THIS IS WHO I AM, THIS IS HOW I AM and THAT IS GOOD. Then sit with this for awhile. You may be surprised by what comes up. You may discover that many of your gifts have come from this tendency to procrastinate. You may find compassion for the person you have been and for the stress this pattern has caused you. You may find love and acceptance for yourself in a way you did not expect. Accepting ourselves as we are is the first step towards true self-love, and with love, anything is possible.

Next time you're in meditation, we'd suggest that you spend some time on this issue. Ask your heart what you need to know about your procrastination. See if there are any old tapes playing from childhood that are keeping you locked into seeing your process as a "problem." Often times the way we do something is very different from our parents, sibling and friends and we can take on their beliefs that their way is better than ours. The magical mirror of this is, of course, where the learning begins. See if anything comes up in terms of judgment about YOUR way of doing things being more correct. This might be a most divine opportunity to practice some forgiveness!

At the same time, it sounds as though, while this pattern has worked for you in the past - "I do eventually get things done and on time" - you are poised and ready to make a change. And that is great news! When the spark of an idea is put into us, it's often a signal that we are ready to act upon that spark. So get ready, because you ARE ready to make some changes in your life. WOOHOO!

Here's a process to try that may help you work with this pattern and do things a bit differently in the future:

We're big fans of making lists so we would suggest starting with one project you are working on right now. Make a list of all the tasks that go with that project. Then get out a calendar and write down all of the deadlines you are currently working under relative to this project. Make a note on the deadline day, but also on the day before, the week before, two weeks before, etc. This will help you to remember when planning your time, to set aside some time to work on that project. So often we know a deadline is looming, but we fail to take it into account when planning our daily activities. By over-scheduling ourselves, we don't leave time for what really needs to get done.

Now take each individual task that needs to get done to accomplish this goal and meet your deadline and assign it a block of time that you think it will take to complete the task. It's a strange fact, but true nonetheless, that very often we humans have a false sense of time when it comes to how much we can get done in a given period of time. Most of us are off in our "guesstimations" of the time it will take to complete a task by a factor of at least 50%! And we can be off at times by up to as much as 400% or more. That means a task that you think will take one hour to complete, will in reality take 1 1/2 to 2 hours OR MORE depending on how off you are in your personal "guesstimation" process.

For one week, track how long you think it will take to get things done versus how long it actually takes you to get things done. Then find the average amount of time you were off on all tasks in the week. This is your X factor (how off you are in your estimations of the time it will take to complete a task). Once you have your number, take a look at the list again and increase each guesstimation by your X factor (ie. If you guesstimate that it will take 1 hour to complete a given task, but you have found that things usually take 3 times longer than you think they will, multiply every guesstimate by 3. A one-hour task will in fact most likely take you 3 hours to complete.)

Once you have a list of how long it will take you to complete this project and make your deadline on time, schedule the time you will need each day until the deadline. Be sure and give yourself a day off now and again to rest and gather some creative energy to put into the project. Often a break is just what is needed to spur us on in the next session. Even when we aren't actively working on something, our heart, soul and mind are mulling it over inside. We love how dream teacher and author Robert Moss illustrates this in his book, The Three Only Things. Moss gives real life antidotes of great minds like Einstein coming up with solutions to big issues in their dreams. So, while you might think you aren't actively producing results, we'd speculate you're actually achieving far more than you realize during your "down time." To see this at work, we'd invite you to keep a dream journal AND a list of ideas that "spark" out of nowhere, those amazing flashes of insight that come as you make your way through life. We're willing to bet it's a biggie!

Be sure and leave some time (a day or two) at the end of your deadline for those unexpected delays and changes that always seem to occur with any project. Schedule to be finished a day or two ahead so that you have time to deal with anything that comes up unexpectedly. In other words, pad your last minute! Then, as you move forward in your life and take on more projects, put what you have learned through this exercise to use. Apply what you have learned about how you work with time and what tricks work for you to make your next project even easier and more stress-free.

As you hone your skill at managing your time and correctly estimating how long a project will take, you may find that your procrastinating days are behind you and you quite like being some one who gets things done on time and without the stress and pressure of a looming deadline that feels impossible. Or, you may find that you still procrastinate in some ways, but that managing your time more effectively takes some of the pressure off those days when you are facing a deadline. Whatever the case, find a way to love and accept yourself just as you are right where you are.

We see you surrounded in light and all in Divine order!

Peace, oneness, love & light,

Lara & Jennifer

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Mirror, Mirror

Dear Soul Sisters,

A good friend of mine is going through a rough breakup right now and it is causing me a dilemma. This partner was never someone I liked or approved of in the first place, but the way she is behaving in the course of their breaking up is infuriating me! Cheating, lying and even a little stealing for good measure. The worst part is she totally presents herself as this groovy spiritual chick. Blah!

I am so tempted to call her up and blast her, or at the very least unfriend her on Facebook, but I am conflicted on two levels. First, I know that this will probably hurt my friend more than help her and secondly, I present myself as a groovy spiritual chick too so what does that say about ME? Help!

Hurting for my friend

"...A relationship is a great gift, not because it makes us happy - it often doesn't - but because any intimate relationship, if we view it as a practice, is the clearest mirror we can find." --Charlotte Joko Beck

Dear Hurting,

We're sorry that you are hurting and send you lots of love and light. It's never easy to see our friends in pain and the natural inclination is to lash out and defend those we love. We'd ask you to refrain and do some inner work instead.

While it might not seem like it now, we'd invite you to take the highest spiritual perspective and see it as ALL in Divine Order! "ALL!!?!?" you might be asking? "Even the cheating, lying and stealing part?" To which we'd respond, "Yes, even that." And here's the doozy, "Especially that!"

We believe that our souls create situations on this earthly plane to enable our healing. When real chaos and destruction arrive on the scene, they often signal a HUGE opportunity for overhaul! It sounds like this is less like a crumbling and more like a fire and brimstone sort of scene for this couple! From the outside looking in, it is often impossible to know the WHY and we'd simply encourage you to move through your process the best you can with where you are today. After all, that's our soul's purpose on the planet and all we can ever do.

So, first, please know that this person IS doing the best she knows how. No matter how "groovy and spiritual" we are, we've all got work to do or we wouldn't still be here - we'd be off dancing with the angels! Again, we know that's disappointing and we'd invite you to spend some time really feeling into that disappointment. Because it sounds like there's a lot of judgement surfacing for you, we'd encourage you to work through the anger this is triggering in you. To do so, grab a tennis racket or similar item and beat the bed. Pretend that you are talking to this person and really let her have it. Say all the things you've been harboring and get it all up and out. Alternatively, you could punch a pillow to discharge your anger energy. It's ALWAYS a great idea to move this thorough you and not stuff it away or pretend that it's not there.

While you're doing this, see what else comes up for you. Is there a past situation that pops into your mind? Is there a former disappointment of your own that this reminds you of? Is this breakup bringing up an emotion that you buried long ago and are now ready to deal with? These situations that catch us off guard emotionally can be great gifts in helping us clear out and heal old emotional wounds that we have left open in our own lives. Journal about whatever arises for you. Let it flow and see what this situation is mirroring for you right now.

Once you have pin-pointed where this reaction, and the accompanying emotion, are coming from speak it out loud. Be really honest with yourself and speak the truth about these feelings and emotions. It's an old cliche, but oh so true, that "The truth will set you free!" Speaking the truth, and allowing it to be so, even if it is something we would rather not admit, can be the key to liberating ourselves from these old patterns and emotions. You may find that just making the connection between your friend's breakup and your past experience or emotion will set you free. If not, repeat this release process as often as needed when you feel the judgement come up for you.

Next, we'd direct you to our friend Colin Tipping. It sounds like some Radical Forgiveness is in order here! We'd suggest that you try The Three Letters Process. Through this exercise you'll again have the chance to really get your feelings up (blast her!) and out to this person. The beauty of the process, though, is that it will also help you to see the spiritual, soulful purpose of the situation.

We would also suggest praying for your friend's former partner. We know! We know! This can be galling at first, but see if you can "fake it til you make it." Every day say a short prayer for her - you can include your friend as well - asking that the outcome of this situation be for the highest good of ALL. Ask to find forgiveness for yourself and for her former partner. As you pray, give this situation over to the Universe as much as you can. Let it go and know that ALL IS WELL.

If you have never done A Course in Miracles, now might be a great time to give this spiritual practice a try. The Course is a channeled text and year-long workbook designed to help give you the experience non-judgement and Oneness. It also deals a lot with the concepts of attack and defense, which seem to be coming up for you right now. The Course says it like this, "Who would defend himself unless he thought he were attacked, that the attack were real, and that his own defense could save himself? And herein lies the folly of defense; it gives illusions full reality, and then attempts to handle them as real. It adds illusions to illusions, thus making correction doubly difficult. And it is this you do when you attempt to plan the future, activate the past, or organize the present as you wish."

It sounds like there are many things you would like to change about this situation - past, present, and perhaps even future - but that is not your job in this world, nor is it in your power. By entering into an attack and defense mind-set you are perpetuating the illusion of the imperfection of this situation and causing yourself pain as well. Working with The Course may help you to let go of your human judgements about our friend's breakup and to make peace with it.

As far as Facebook and how to handle the real life interactions, we'd invite you to follow your heart. Spend some time in meditation and see what surfaces for you. Maybe you do need to unfriend this person for now as part of your healing process, or, maybe you can reach a place of compassion for her and remain "friends." Perhaps you'll land some place in between. Wherever you are today, know it's PERFECT!!! Some relationships are meant to last lifetimes and others come into our lives for a few seasons. See if you can hear your heart's truth about how to proceed here.

And finally, we'd encourage you to direct real time, love and energy to the friend that's going through the break up. Ask what she needs from you in terms of love and support. Maybe it's space, maybe it's fun outings or maybe it's just to know that you are loving her in her time of pain. As much as you can, stay away from bashing the other party or playing the blame game. Relationships come to an end when they are meant to and "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end," (Semisonic) By holding space for your friend that this end is making way for another glorious beginning, your support will come with the high vibration of love! Again, if anger and judgment surface, repeat the release step! It's bound to happen!

Sending you much peace, oneness, love & light. You've been handed an amazing growth opportunity and we laud you for accepting your Divine assignment!

Jennifer & Lara

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Working wth Mixed Messages

Dear Soul Sisters:

Here is my situation: I think I am getting mixed messages from my spirit: I wake up in the middle of the night, write in my soul time and day-dream on my commute of leaving my job, but while I am at work I see the possibilities and ways I could grow. Am I missing something? I guess the question is how do we know what is the right next step?

"Once in awhile what you do for work is also what you do for love. And when that happens? It's heaven." Toni Colette as "Tara" in "The United States of Tara"

Dear Mixed Messages,

Thanks for your question! Sometimes the path ahead is not as clear as we'd like it to be even when we are trying as hard to listen to our guidance as you are. Hang in there and don't lose faith! We are happy to help.

First of all, we'd invite you to take a few deep, cleansing breaths wherever you are. Often when we are looking over and over at a "problem," we get confused and constricted. By letting GO, we enable the FLOW! While you're at your current job see if you can quiet your mind from monkeying about what's next. Practice taking deep breathing breaks and bring your consciousness to the present moment and your daily tasks as much as possible. Repeat as necessary throughout the day.

Know, in the root of your being, that there is no such thing as the "right" answer. Whatever choice you ultimately make the Universe will support you and bring forth whatever is for your highest good. How freeing is that? Then, be gentle with yourself as you work to figure it out.

Often that stuck place - I DON'T KNOW! - can be a mask for what you do know, but are afraid to know. Spend some time in quiet meditation. Ask yourself: What am I afraid of here? Then listen carefully to your heart. Sometimes focusing physically on your heart center can help to drown out the messages of your head so make sure to put your focus there. Take notes as you listen to what comes up for you. Trace the roots of this fear. Does it belong to your past or your present? Or is it a fear about the future? If it is a past fear, are you ready to let it go? If yes, do so through creative visualization. Imagine your fear as a ball of energy and watch yourself release it to Source, freeing yourself of it once and for all.

If this is a present fear, or a past fear you are not yet ready to let go of, ask yourself: What do I need to do to move past this fear? Make a list of all the things you need to do to work through this fear and then do them one at a time. Once you are done with the list, check in with yourself and see if you are ready to let it go. If not, ask again, make a new list and keep working on it until you are ready. While working on your fear, allow yourself to put decision-making on the back burner for awhile and come back to it once you have dealt with your fear. If you are not sure what you need to do, get some help from a trusted counselor or friend to see if you can get to the heart of this fear and discover what is needed for you to be ready to let it go.

If it is a future fear give it to Father, Mother, God, Spirit, Source or The Universe. The future is not ours to worry about, but Source's. Turn the question over and trust that Spirit is working for your highest good at all times. When you feel anxiety about the future come up again, remind yourself gently that this belongs to Source and release it once again. There's no need to go it alone and feel like you have to find all of the answers yourself. After all, you were led to and placed in the current job by the hand of the DIVINE! That same support that took you there - and is now urging your soul on - will never leave you. We love this New Living Translation of Matthew 7:7: "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you." We know it to be true and see Spirit prospering you!

Once you have worked with your fear, you are ready to try and get to the bottom of the mixed messages you are receiving. Our heart speaks to us clearly, but there can often be (many) conflicting messages coming at us at once and sometimes it can be difficult to know which of these is our heart speaking. It sounds to us like your heart is speaking pretty loud and clear to you through your dreams and your soul time, but when you get to work the other voices (those of your mind, your Ego, your co-workers, parents, teachers, and other "authorities") start to take over and drown out the messages from your heart. Ask yourself what outside messages may be at play here and silence them one-by-one.

When you have some time, sit quietly in meditation and take an inventory of the messages you have received during your soul time over the past few weeks. Are these messages consistent? Are they full of love and light? Do they make your heart soar and want to sing? Then these are the true messages of your soul, pointing you in the direction of your highest good. Trust in that. And we congratulate you for being open to the Divine in your life!

Return now to the reality of your life (that is, after all, where you have to live....) and look at the possibilities that are presenting themselves to you. When you think about staying in your current position does your heart soar or sink? Are there other opportunities out there right now that you are letting pass by or saying no to because you are stuck in this place of indecision? Often we are not quite ready (or think we are not anyway) on a physical level to make the leaps that our heart is nudging us towards. So, what do you need to get ready? Start working on those things today!

Once you have taken a full and objective inventory, make a decision and stick to it - for a time anyway. If you decide to stay, choose a period of time during which you will give your current job everything you've got and then reassess at the end of the time period. Make the "test period" long enough for some positive changes to take root, but not so long that you will start to despair if things aren't improving. We would recommend somewhere between six weeks and three months.

If you decide to leave, starting taking steps in the direction of a new vocation. Read the classifieds, check Craigslist, ask friends for referrals, or put all of your "free time" into your new business venture. Maintain your professionalism and a minimum level of investment at your current job, but turn a good portion of your mental and manifesting energy towards the new. If after your chosen test period something new and exciting has not arrived yet, see where your heart is pointing you now. Are you still excited about seeing what comes next or does your current position seem to have more energy for you now?

If you do ultimately decide to leave your current job, you may find that you have some work to do around the issue of guilt. Often when we think about leaving a job in which we have become invested, it can feel like we are letting our co-workers, customers, or clients down, that things will not be able to continue without us or that our leaving will cause others harm or discomfort. Despite the fact that employment is a two-way agreement (your employer can let you go at any time if they feel you are not doing a satisfactory job or cannot afford to pay you anymore), many of us who take pride in doing a good job can start to feel over-responsible for our position and feel as if we do not have a choice to leave when the job no longer meets our needs.

Remind yourself that you do not owe anyone anything other than to do the best job you can do while you are there and adequate notice to find a replacement. Notice where you may be taking more responsibility than belongs to you and let go of what is not yours. If necessary, forgive yourself for the ways in which you may be letting people down. Colin Tipping's worksheet for self-forgiveness can be a wonderful tool in a situation such as this. (On the same page you will also find a worksheet for Radical Manifestation that you can use to manifest your new career opportunity!) For more on how to quit consciously see our previous post.

At the same time you are doing all of this work, tend to the garden of your deepest dream. Do what you can where you are to move in the direction that your soul is calling you. What ways can you birth more of this vision into your current role? Can you be more authentically YOU where you are today? What after-work/weekend activities can you participate in to be playing in the space that makes your soul sing? Go there, be there and dance there TODAY!

Stay focused in prayer and communication with Spirit every step of the way. If you come to a place where you feel confused and uncertain again, ask for help in getting clear guidance, listen to your heart and watch for signs that point in the direction of your dreams. Whenever you're faced with a fork in the road, ask what would JOY have me do? Which way would JOY have me go? In the words of Buffy Saint-Marie, "You have to sniff out joy. Keep your nose to the joy trail."

Peace, oneness, love and light as you trust the process, honor your guidance and follow the path of your heart!