Making Marriage Work

Dear Soul Sisters-

I'm a newlywed and love my husband very much. But living with him day to day feels REALLY hard at times. I know marriage is not all about the honeymoon and I'm committed to building our life together, but sometimes it just feels impossible and I feel like I want to run away! Help!

Newlywed & Needing Advice

“More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” --Doug Larson

Dear Newlywed-

Thanks so much for your question. As married women ourselves, we totally hear you and can empathize! Modern marriage, while a path with much promise, takes patience, perseverance and sometimes, LOTS of personal space. It's also one that, through conscious connection, can deliver much joy, unity and rewards worthy of the title True Romance! We're happy to help!

First of all, congrats on feeling your feelings. It's not always easy to admit to ourselves that our Prince Charming drives us nuts! You are not alone. It's very natural to feel the ebb and flow of intimacy and to experience periods of intense anger, frustration and fear. We'd be shocked in fact if you weren't!

We'd suggest that you start by writing what's coming up for you in your private journal. Get it all out on paper, in a safe and sacred space where you can be totally honest about ALL of your feelings, even the really mean, judgmental and fearful ones. While they might not look like it, these are a gateway to finding forgiveness. From a soul perspective, we often marry someone who'll push exactly the right buttons to find our original wounds and deepest heartbreak. In order to heal these, we need to work through the pain rather than run away lest we continue to repeat the pattern with man after man, spouse after spouse. It's no accident that your husband is triggering you and again, it's why you were attracted to him in the first place!

For more on this, look into the work of longtime couple Hedy and Yumi who inspire others to understand the wisdom and joy of partnership. They have a powerful practice called Crossing the Bridge which you can find on their website. Noting how we are often attracted to our opposite, Hedy and Yumi explain how the very things that drew us together eventually become the things we pick apart! And while we're on the subject of wise examples, we'd invite you to watch a wonderful film called "How Will We Love?" It's is available free on YouTube for your inspiration!

Here are some of our top tips for making it over the long haul:

Open and Honest Communication. We can't stress this one enough. As hard as it may be at times, speaking your truth to your partner is the only way to go. Unspoken truths have a way of building into resentments that fester and cause unseen damage. Speaking the hard truth requires courage – as does hearing it – but it is an effort that is well worthwhile. We always find that the anticipation of the “moment of truth” is far worse than the moment itself. In fact, what we often feel after speaking the whole truth is sweet relief. 

We're big fans of Marshall Rosenberg and the Center for Nonviolent Communication and recommend that you check out his work or read his book. Basically, he teaches you how to communicate your needs and feelings with love in a direct way. Keep in mind that in order to make this work you also need to be willing to HEAR hard truths with love.

Face Each Other Every Day. This advice comes via John Gottman of The Gottman Relationship Institute and goes hand-in-hand with #1. In order to have open and honest communication you need to MAKE time for it. Spend ten minutes every day face to face with your partner. Really LOOK at them. Really LISTEN to them. Really TALK to them. If open and honest communication is the foundation of a good relationship, this is the maintenance that couples can do every single day. We would highly recommend Gottman's book, “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” for even more tips on strengthening your bond and going the distance.

Don't Be Afraid to Get Help. We all need help sometimes and marriage is no exception! If you've been struggling for awhile, or if a new issue crops up and you find yourselves locked in conflict, find someone to talk to, either as a couple or individually. Ideally find this person BEFORE you're in crisis so you have someone at the ready when you need them. Whether it's for one session or a series of sessions, couples counseling can be just the thing to get you back on track when you are faltering and the rewards are often invaluable! 

Remember that Men are Different than Women. When we first fall in love, so much of our focus is on what we have in common, but men and women are really quite different; physically, emotionally, even spiritually. Don't expect your man to act - or react - the same way as you do about most things and honor his emotional process. While it's VERY different, his process is as valuable and valid as yours! For more on how we are different creatures, check out the work of Allison Armstrong on Understanding Men. Her insights into how we differ - both biologically and socially - save women vast amounts of time and unnecessary hurt. Sharing this with your man can be both bonding and illuminating too! For a few good laughs on this subject, watch this:

Don't be Afraid to have Bad Married Sex. We love to give this advice to newlyweds because it kind of freaks them out, but we are serious! Sometimes – especially once you have kids (if you are planning to have them) - you just don't have time for the “full meal deal” or you aren't really in the mood for sex at all. But, keeping your sex life humming is a huge step towards greater intimacy. Even quickie sex or bad sex, if both partners you are willing, can bring you closer together AND improve your mood.

Give Each Other as Much Freedom as You Can. When we first get married much of what we love and enjoy is the togetherness. After years of being single and alone, it feels really good to be part of a couple, to know you have a date for major holidays and have someone to come home to at night. But, after awhile, most couples find they need some spaces in their togetherness. We turn to Kahlil Gibran here,

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”
(From "The Prophet")

Increased freedom will help keep your relationship - and the individuals in it - happy. And that makes for a healthy relationship.

Take Care of Yourself. In order to bring your best self to your marriage, you need to take good care of yourself as well as your partner. Make sure you put taking care of yourself at the top of your priority list and set proper boundaries. This doesn't mean shutting your partner out emotionally but sometimes it might mean shutting the door! Here are some ways to care for yourself while in relationship:

~ Take a nap alone

~ Take a long, hot bath with candles & sea salt

~ Take a walk in nature or make a day hike out of it

~ Treat yourself to a spa session or lunch date for one

~ Take time to pursue YOUR individual interests

~ Keep your friends a priority and make new connections along the way

As women awaken on the planet and step into their power, we see their work becoming more dominant in their lives and their marriages less so. Dr. John Gray, Mr. Mars & Venus, agrees. In fact, he sees the secret to success in marriage is for women to view men as the dessert and not our whole meal. Gone is the model of Mad Men where we sit home like Betty Draper expecting our man to meet our needs when he gets there! If your needs are not being met in the current set-up or schedule, it's YOUR responsibility to advocate for yourself. Like the old adage goes, put your oxygen mask on first! If, after taking a little time alone, you still feel off balance, we'd suggest looking into a women's retreat or taking a solo vacation. While your partner might be hurt at first, let him know that you need time alone so that you can be a better partner to him. Explaining our motives with love and compassion can save lots of pain and frustration down the line!

Stay in the Moment. When we are in the midst of a difficult time or a tense moment with our partner it's easy to get overwhelmed and think, “This is how it's going to be FOREVER!” This is our mind working in conjunction with our Ego to keep us stuck in conflict. When this happens, imagine a wise-cracking Grandma saying to you, “Honey, this is only a moment; it's not the rest of your life.” (This quote is from an interview in O magazine with Juilana Marguiles. It's what her mother tells her when she's having a bad parenting moment.) Take some time to breathe and come back to your center whenever you are feeling overwhelmed by the idea of FOREVER. Remember that neither the good nor the bad is permanent. "This too shall pass." A bad moment shall soon be replaced by a moment that will remind you why you fell in love with this person in the first place. 

Here's to opening to intimacy, feeling your feelings and getting your socks knocked off over and over again! It's not always easy but marriage IS well worth it - for you, for him and for the forgiveness we inevitably find along the way! We leave you with the wise words of love expert Leo Buscaglia, "Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation. We don't love to be loved; we love to love."

Peace, oneness, love & light,

Jennifer & Lara 

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Keeping Kids Safe and Yourself Sane

Dear Soul Sisters,

I have always been a worried mother. The thought of losing my kids, especially to a kidnapper or pedophile, makes me seize up with terror. Lately my kids have been letting me know that they need more freedom and I have been trying to give it to them, but last week a man in our neighborhood tried to get a junior high school girl to go with him and it has set me back years of letting go. I can't get it out of my head. Even though I know statistically speaking that the chances of this happening to my kids is very slim, the mother in me just can't take that chance. How can I give my kids the freedom they need AND keep them safe and myself sane? Thanks for your help.

Worried Mom

“They look so small and frail

but they are so great and magnificent.

They are born of the same womb

that birthed the cosmos

and knitted together the galaxies.

If you could see them as they truly are,

you would be astounded.

You would see not little children,

but dancing clouds of light,

energy in motion,

swimming in an ocean of love.

They are so much more that what you see.

As are you.”

--William Martin from “The Parent's Tao Te Ching”

Dear Worried Mom:

Thank you for your question and lots of love to you during this scary time in your neighborhood. What a frightening incident to have happen WAY too close to home; it must make you feel so unsafe. We are happy to help you find some peace around this issue and lovingly address your children's need for increased freedom too.

When you feel the fear welling up, breathe. Breathe in and out deeply to connect yourself to Source. The mind has a tendency to leap from one fearful thought to another – especially after an inciting incident - and breathing cuts that circuit. Do this as often as you need to and feel the peace in your day.

We have a feeling that in this case there is a real fear of "losing" your children. On one level, this is triggered by the attempted abduction and on the other, by your children’s asking for more freedom. As they grow into their own individuals, they will move further and further from your safe, loving nest. That in itself is scary for a mothers whose job it’s been to feed, clothe, and protect them since birth. Be gentle with yourself around this. You have simply been doing your job! Ask God, Spirit, Source, The Universe for strength and courage as you transition your role over the years to come.

Perhaps the best place to start is with the knowledge that none of us is ever completely safe. Helen Keller says it best for us, “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.” We can never know what is around the next corner, a bus or an angel. Each breath we take, each step we take may be our last and unfortunately the same is true for our children. We’d invite you to spend some time alone in quiet meditation really feeling the full force of the fear this incident brought up in you. Get centered and tune into your heart. Ask it, in this still space, "What do I need to know? What am I afraid of?" Let yourself feel completely the terror of not knowing what comes next for yourself or for your children. Really feel the fear of this unknowingness and then let it go. Do this a few times and again as often as you need to and whenever this issue comes up for you. The more you work with this knowledge, we believe, the more comfortable you will be with this basic truth of life.

At the same time remind yourself that ALL IS WELL. As physical beings we are vulnerable; as spiritual beings we are invincible. On this level we are never in danger. We are always safe, up to and including the moment of our death. Take this (ALL IS WELL) as your mantra for the next few weeks. Say it to yourself as often as you can, chant it while meditating, write it on a sticky note and post it on your bathroom mirror. As with the idea that we are not safe, really feel into this idea that ALL IS WELL, always. Accepting these two seemingly contradictory truths as equally true at all times is difficult, but it is on the razor's edge of these two truths that life is truly lived.

That is how we would suggest you proceed as well – on two levels. First, the physical level. This is the “Taking Care of Business” level. You want your kids to be safe and you want them to have room to grow as individuals into confident and competent adults. In order to do both, you need to have lots of information and lots of good conversations with your kids. We would recommend the book, “Free Range Kids” by Lenore Skenazy. You may recognize her name. She is the New York City mom who let her 9 year old ride the subway by himself and was branded, “World's Worst Mom.” She didn't take this lying down and started a blog about why kids are safer than we think they are (and as safe as we were). We think you will find the book very comforting and hopefully get some great tips on working with this issue.

Once you have done some work with your emotions and gotten some clarity around this issue, the next order of business is this: Talk to your kids. A lot. Talk to them about your fears and their need for freedom. Express YOUR true feelings about how much you love them, how sacred you were when this happened and about your own very real and authentic struggle to let them spread their wings even more. Kids really respond well when we tell the truth! By being vulnerable AND honest, you’ll model this for your kids and give them a great example of compassionate communication.

Ask your kids what they would do in certain situations and make sure they are ready for things that might come up. Before giving them the freedom to walk to school or a friend's house on their own have a “dry run” where you follow them, either on foot or in the car. Plan out the route they are to take ahead of time and make contingencies for things that might go wrong. Have them point out neighbors or businesses where they could stop along the way for help. Make sure they know things like always ask a parent with kids for help first and not to respond to a request from an adult for help if it doesn't make sense or requires they go with them. Each time they ask for a new freedom that makes you nervous talk through it together, make a plan and then trust the Universe to take care of them.

Which brings us to the Spiritual level. Here there are many things you can do to help keep them safe and help you to feel better about them being out in the world. First, PRAY. The tool of mothers from time immemorial. When you send them off to school or to a friend's house, say a little prayer to God, Spirit, or the Universe that they be kept safe. We love to use the Unity Prayer for Protection by James Dillet Freeman in situations like this. (CLICK HERE to watch a beautiful video version.) While praying, set the intention that they be safe and protected and that YOU feel the peace of knowing they are always safe in God's arms.

For added protection as your children enjoy increased freedom, ask their Guides or Angels to surround them and keep them safe. A great one for this is Archangel Michael, the Angel of Courage, Protection and Peace. In her book, The Miracles of Archangel Michael, Doreen Virtue gives real-life stories of protection, peace, courage and confidence that Michael has to offer. Know that Michael, like all of the Angels, is always available for you to call on to feel safe, watched over and loved. You can make a general request for him to guard and protect your children in the world and to remain with them, keeping them from harm. If there’s a situation where they seek freedom and you are feeling sacred, ask Michael to be with them. You can NEVER ask too often and knowing he’s there can take the pressure off of you to be there with them!

You can also picture them walking into a huge egg-shaped light blue energy shield or enclosed in a safe container of light. Ask for what you need in that moment. Ask for their safety. Ask that you feel comfortable with them being out in the world. Ask for an Angel to do your worrying for you. Whatever you need in that moment, ASK.

As you move forward in life, and your children continue to grow, they will move more and more into the world on their own terms. This process of letting go will continue until one day they are adults and are completely responsible for themselves and their safety. Thankfully this process happens slowly and over time so mothers have a chance to get used to it. Prepare for it one day at a time, always trying to stay in this moment right now. Ask yourself, “Are my children safe right now?” and dwell in the security of knowing that they are.

Finally we would like to leave you with two more of our favorite quotes on parenting. First from Marcelene Cox, “A child does not thrive on what he is prevented from doing, but on what he actually does.” And from Kahlil Gibran, one of the most profound poems on parenting we have ever read:

"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He also loves the bow that is stable. "

We send you much love and light as you work thorough your feelings, express them with love and call on the Divine light and protection of God and Archangel Michael. We see your family safe, sound, happy and free!!! 

Peace, oneness, love & light,

Jennifer & Lara 

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Being Patient (with Yourself) on the Path

Dear Soul Sisters,

I consider myself a seeker on the path, but I find it really hard to be enlightened all the time. Today, while doing my laundry a neighbor sneaked her laundry in ahead of mine even though I was waiting there first. It REALLY pushed my buttons. I found myself getting incredibly angry and my first instinct was to retaliate her rudeness with my own bad behavior. Does this still happen to you? What's a person to do when this situation strikes? I thought I'd come so far and I feel really let down by this reaction in myself. Thank you.

"It doesn't matter how often you forget, only how soon you remember." ~Buddha

Dear I Thought I'd Come So Far,

Thanks so much for your question – and for having the courage to ask it. So often when we have our awakening and start on the spiritual path we get sucked into thinking, This is it; I have arrived!, and that we will no longer have struggles and slip ups. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, often starting our spiritual work only ensures that we will uncover some dark stuff because we all have it. We all have forgotten and repressed parts of ourselves that we have tried to bury, cover up and disown. But the fact is, it doesn't work. Sooner or later our shadow selves need to come to the light too. We are happy to offer some tips on what to do next.

First of all, we want you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! No matter how enlightened one becomes, we are all still spiritual beings having a spiritual experience in human form. Emotions, even "disturbing" ones like anger, are part of the package. Learning to work with our more uncomfortable emotions is warrior's work and really what the spiritual path is all about. If it was easy we'd all be enlightened already and there would be no need for "Earth school" any longer.

When you experience anger, or other negative emotions, we'd invite you to really FEEL into it. Eckhart Tolle says, "Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath," and we couldn't agree more. Anger is a signal from yourself that something - perhaps a bigger pain - lies underneath and is ready to be healed. Next time it comes up, allow the anger to settle into your soul and see what deeper hurt emerges. You might not be able to do this in the laundry room but we'd invite you to spend some time in quiet meditation or journaling as soon as you can and see what emerges.

Your anger could be triggered by some past experience which felt similarly painful and this incident brought these memories to the surface for you. We have a feeling that as soon as you can really understand it, you'll be poised to more easily release the pain. We like how John Dryden puts it here, "Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten." Discovering and releasing past resentments is the fastest way of forgetting that we know!

What can you do in the midst of a flare up though? It sounds like you did a great job in this case of not reacting by retaliating. Sometimes, especially with family, it's not so easy to do that so congratulations! Here is a "simple" 7-step process we have designed to help you in the heat of the moment:

1) STOP. Just stop. Interrupting the automatic flow of your emotions and reactions can often derail any lower-self impulses and allow you to make a better choice.

2) BREATHE. Breathe and breathe again. Allow space inside yourself for the energy of anger to diffuse.

3) NOTICE. Notice the thoughts you are having. Watch them in your mind like a movie for a few minutes.

4) SHARE. Share what you're noticing with yourself, "I notice I am enraged now." "I notice I want to scream at this person."

5) WONDER. Say to yourself, "I wonder what deeper pain or hurt is here for my healing?" "I wonder what past pain this is triggering?"

6) INTEND. Intend to spend some time now - or later - digging deeper into the anger of this episode through meditation or journaling.

7) BREATHE. Breathe and breathe again. Often by doing these steps, we can say nothing and move though an incident without engaging the other person in a battle.

If you are in the middle of a discussion (or argument) with someone else when anger comes up, you can still use these steps, perhaps taking a bit more time with each of them. Stop whatever you are doing – yelling, blaming, hating, judging – whatever negative and destructive behavior you are indulging in, just stop. Take a few deep breaths and come back to yourself. Walk away if you have to or ask for a break and ground yourself into your body and into the earth. Take a few moments to do a brief grounding meditation. Feel yourself fully connected to the Earth. Breathe and know that you are safe.

Now feel what you are feeling. Name it. Locate it. Where it is in your body? Allow yourself to feel it. Watch it shrink and grow, shrink and grow as you give it some attention. Does it hurt? Does it feel good? Is it comforting or scary? Sometimes conditioned ways of feeling and reacting become so engrained in us that we actually feel better once we react in our usual way. If this is the case, it is going to be particularly necessary to stay very present when an incident occurs. You are literally changing the neuropathways in your brain! Not easy work, but well worth the effort.

Once you have felt your feelings, it is time to do some forgiveness work on yourself. Here we are going to turn once again to our forgiveness guru, Colin Tipping. He offers a great worksheet for self forgiveness that we would highly recommend, as well as a Self-Forgiveness/Self-Acceptance online program, if you want to go deeper and work with some of your patterns around this issue. You may also wish to ask God, The Universe or your Higher Self to help you forgive yourself and let the incident go so you can move forward in peace.

Don't be afraid to ask for some help. Sometimes when an issue is particularly deep, long-standing or ingrained, we need some help to work with it. Find a therapist, lightworker, massage therapist, psychic or even a trusted friend or prayer partner to support you in your journey to wholeness. Ask the Universe to help you find the perfect person to work with you on this issue and then see where you are led and what resonates for you. If you see a card on a bulletin board that lights up for you, make an appointment; if a friend is talking about a great therapist they know, ask for a referral. Let the Universe provide what you need by being open to the bounty of help available around you!

Take care of yourself. Notice the situations that trigger an incident and avoid those situations. Do you lose your temper when you are tired, when you have been working too much, not exercising, drinking alcohol? Our bodies are the conduits for our feelings and experiences and when they are not working at their optimal level, they can only handle so much input. Design your life so that you are ready – most of the time anyway – for whatever life throws at you. Take the best care of yourself you can every day and you will find that things will be easier to handle when they do come up. Make a list of your “must dos” - those things that you need to stay centered and grounded in your power – and make them a priority every day. We would recommend sleep, diet, exercise, and prayer or meditation as areas to consider when building this list.

We'd also invite you to remember that life is a mirror. As Ernest Holmes writes, “Life is a mirror and will reflect back to the thinker what he thinks into it.” Perhaps what happened in the laundry room was a reflection of some thoughts you were holding about the person in question? The more we become conscious of this tendency, the more we're able to watch our thoughts. Again, this is often easier to both notice and shift with loved ones with whom we live or spend much more time with.

Let's take an example. If it's the holidays and you head to an event expecting Aunt Edie to ALWAYS be late and say something that hurts your feelings chances are you'll show up with those thoughts and fears in your consciousness. When Aunt Edie arrives, your thoughts will beam out judgement, worry and fear. Chances are Aunt Edie's behavior WILL match and reflect your own expectations back to you like a mirror. We are always getting back what we're holding. The more we can remember this and hold loving thoughts and non-judgment, the more beautiful our experiences will be! Again, this is PRACTICE along the path, Dear One!

Finally, cut yourself some slack. We suggest these steps as an ideal and something to work up to as we all progress on our path. Life happens and we will have some moments where we remember to invite our highest selves to the experience and others when we WILL react, shout, scream and become enraged! Your spirit self IS LOVE and ONLY LOVE, and that is what you are striving to live more of in your physical life as well, but your human self is here to learn lessons and making mistakes along the way is a part of the process. Always try to do your best, but also know that whatever you are doing IS your best at that moment and be gentle with your human self. Perfection is unattainable on this plane and should never be your goal.

We send you peace, oneness, light and love as you continue to work with your anger and other difficult emotions. Know that you are never alone and keep asking for assistance along the way!

Jennifer & Lara

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Finding A Purpose in Life

Dear Soul Sisters,

I am feeling the call to some creative business venture, but don't know exactly what it can be. I ask the Universe for a way to support my 62-year-old self, doing something I am HAPPY doing that I can handle, probably home-based, and can create a great income to use wisely and lovingly. To be good to myself and others. Any Insights? Intuitive hits? Clarity?


It needs to manifest SOON, lol lol lol.


"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life and don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. Most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become." —Steve Jobs

Dear Feeling Called,

Thanks for writing! As many people on our planet are being Divinely Reassigned, it’s a perfect time to step into your deepest purpose and claim your highest good!

We love that you’ve set your intention on being HAPPY first in your new endeavor. With that in mind, we'd encourage you to make a list of all the things that make you HAPPY, all the things that you truly enJOY doing. Include jobs that you have had in the past that you really loved, tasks you enjoy or enjoyed doing. Do you love talking to people all day long or would you rather be alone to get your work done? Are you great at detail work or more of a big picture thinker?

Get it all down on paper and then, after giving it and yourself some time to breathe, come back to your list and see what jobs pop out at you from this list. What jobs seem to be a natural fit given your talents and passions? We noticed from your website that you are already involved in what appear to be many creative ventures. Does one of these fit the bill or are you ready to move in a completely different direction?

To dig a bit deeper, we’d direct you to your heart. Often we have many ideas in our head about how we can make money but it’s our heart that holds the truth of our purpose. Spend time alone in quiet meditation. To enable more openness of your heart, picture the face of someone you love unconditionally like a pet or a small child. Feel the love well up and space open across your chest.

From this place of openness, ask your heart to show you your purpose. Ask, very specifically, “What am I here to be?” Wait and see what answer appears. Very often we are given a big answer and then are tasked with walking the path and listening as we move through life. With your focus on YOUR big picture, you can head in the right direction. Trust that once you have your way, the Universe will take care of directing the HOW!!!

Another fun way to get some clarity, is by taking Laura Hillock’s quiz on “What Kind of Creative Spirit Are you?” Click HERE to access it. Laura’s got some great tips and techniques at Soul Art Studio and is full of creative energy and ideas!

Once you have some ideas, we would suggest that you start looking around – at your local classifieds, on Craigslist – and see if anything pops for you. Karen Bishop, a channel of the Earth's energy, reported in one of her energy alerts from before 11/11/11 that one of the paradigms of the “new Earth” would be a shift from full time jobs to two or more varied part-time jobs. This has always had a ring of truth for us and we share it with you now as a suggestion for moving forward.

Look around and see what part-time employment might be immediately available to meet your need for income. This could still be something that you can do from home – perhaps on the phone? - or perhaps something out in your community. We get the feeling that you are a joyful person who gets energized by sharing and connecting with others. While home-based business can be GREAT, it might also serve you to be out in your community making connections. Is there a senior center or cancer program where you could share your expertise? We see you leading groups and cheering people on in some way. Your life path has prepared you to show others a way through some hard lessons and by giving back, you will find happiness.

We have a feeling that once you step up and out in this way, the path to profit will become clear. Many times we are an expert at something yet we need to claim that first before the world will recognize it. Having a "real" job may also have the added benefit of giving you a “break” from your many creative endeavors, a way to give structure and focus to your days as well as a steady and reliable source of income. Remember, follow your JOY & the money will come!

Once that is in place, pick one of your creative passions – either a current one or a new one that came up as a result of your visioning work – and really go for it. Devote yourself to it. Make a commitment to do one thing a day that advances your vision for this business and then do it. If you can do two or more things per day, great! But commit to at least one and follow through. Talk to friends and family members, share your vision with them and get their support. Give yourself six months to a year of constant effort and attention to get this business off the ground and launched into the world.

As you move forward, we would suggest taking time daily to meditate and ground yourself in order to stay in constant contact with your guidance and your Higher Self. This will, we believe, assist you along the path to your new life. If you need resources to get started with a meditation practice, click here for some great tips from Donna Thomson, author of The Vibrant Life: Simple Meditations to Use Your Energy Effectively. 

We see something big for you on the horizon, but it is not here yet. Be patient and give it time. Like making kombucha tea, this process will take time, patience and loving attention, but will bear fruit that is nourishing and delicious to taste!

We wish you much peace, oneness, love and light as you move forward,

Jennifer & Lara

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Creating a More Conscious Christmas, Chanukah or Kwanza

Dear Soul Sisters,

As we move toward the Christmas/Holiday gift-giving season, I find myself dreading all of the shopping and eating and spending and gorging that seems to come with the season these days. How can I celebrate Christmas AND align to my new consciousness of reducing consumerism and senseless shopping?

"He who has not Christmas in his heart will not find it under a tree." --Roy L Smith

Dear Desperately Seeking a Conscious Christmas,

Thanks so much for your question and we hear you! With the economic downturn and the spiritual upturn we're experiencing on Earth, we're certain you're not the only one asking! We've got lots of great ideas for putting a little less consumerism and a little more consciousness into YOUR Christmas (or Chanukah or Kwanza).

To kick things off, we’d invite you to take a quantum leap in consciousness with us. While our families and jobs DO provide the tangible means for our income, God, Spirit, the Universe, is our SOURCE and SUPPLY of everything! What do you need more of right now? With that in mind, take this Karen Drucker lyric out for a spin, “God is my Source, God is my power, God gives me everything I need. So I give thanks for all my blessings, God gives me everything I need…” When we start here, we open to possibility and dance with the Divine in an affirming and accepting way. We begin by feeling more grateful for what we have and where we are and let go of any feeling of “lack.” Sing it whenever you you need the reminder!

Then we’d urge you to get clear about what Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanza means to you. Take some space alone in the quiet to ask your heart what you LOVE about this time of year. What memories pop up? What spirit needs to shine through for you to feel the JOY? Maybe it’s trimming the tree, lighting the menorah, giving gifts or perhaps it’s simply spending time with loved ones in front of the fire. Whatever makes your heart sing for the season, do your best to incorporate that into YOUR celebration. We’d urge to share this with your family and let them know where you are coming from. At the same time, encourage them to share the parts that will mean the most to them too! Now more than ever, it's about honoring the "we" over the "me."

If you have kids, this is especially important. Let them know ahead of time that while they have a fabulous list, they won’t get EVERYTHING on it this year. Ask them to highlight the one or two things that they really, really want and assure them that Santa will do his/her best! Spend some time talking about the true meaning of the holidays. We LOVE the "Gift of the Magi"story by O. Henry to show this better than either of us could tell it!

Now, onto the gift-giving part. Here are our ideas for making the most of your holly jolly time and resources this year. As our Earth awakens, it’s wonderful to be re-thinking our approach together!

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle – this motto of environmental conservation works equally well for having a more conscious, less consumer Christmas.

REDUCE the number of presents you are giving by suggesting to your family, workplace or social group that you draw names or have a “white elephant” Christmas gift exchange. Each person then brings just one gift to give to a specific person or to someone at random. If you used to go for a $50 limit, try $25 or even $10 this time and see how creative you can get!

REUSE gifts that you have been given in the past. “Re-gifting” has gotten a bad rap, but if you have gotten a gift that you can't use or don't like, but you know someone who you think would genuinely love it, we say go for it! You don't have to tell them you are re-gifting, only that you thought of them when you saw it.

When it's time to wrap, look around your house for wrapping paper, cards, tags and see what you can reuse from last year. This means spending less on paper AND making less trash for our planet! With this in mind, go outside and see if you can gather enough evergreens to make your own wreath. Once you open to doing things differently, we have a feeling the ideas will FLOW!

RECYCLE by shopping at second-hand stores for antique, vintage or “like-new” items. We are huge fans of Good Will, Value Village and other second-hand stores. Often the things you find there are better than new because they tend to be unique or one-of-a-kind and not the same old, same old that is being sold in every retail outlet this year. This also turns your shopping trip into a scavenger hunt, which takes some of the tedium out of it for you and makes it, gasp, FUN!!!

Here are some other ideas for creating a more conscious Christmas:

Nothing can make you feel prosperous and more open-hearted than giving to those who have far greater needs this time of year. Include your kids in this activity. Adopt a local family, send gifts to a service man or woman overseas or volunteer to serve food at a shelter this holiday season. Spending time helping others always helps us focus less on what we don't have and more on what we DO.

Shop locally! As easy as it is to load that Amazon cart and hit “check-out,” why not give the little guy your dollars this year and save on gas & shipping costs too? Walk around your neighborhood and see what the elves are offering. If you start earlier, you’ll have plenty of time and be surprised by all the goodies right around you!

Give the Gift of Time (and your talents) – Gifts of time and talent can take many forms. If you are giving it to someone you don't get to see often or spend a lot of time with, make it a gift for a whole day together doing some of your favorite things like an all-day movie party or a home spa day where you paint each others nails and give each other foot baths. If it is for a partner or parent, a coupon book for some “honey-dos” is often a great gift. Give a coupon for a batch of cookies, a back rub, or an afternoon spent raking leaves or changing out all the batteries in their fire alarms. Anything that you know they hate doing or can't do on their own makes a great coupon. If you are a massage therapist, hairstylist, plumber or have some other high demand skill, give free or discount coupons to everyone on your list. We have a feeling they'll ooh & aah!

Give experiences not things – If there's a movie or a play you have seen or a restaurant you have eaten at that you know your friend would love too, give them the gift of this experience. If it's in your budget, buy another ticket for yourself and make it the gift of time spent together as well.

Get crafty – That’s right, tap into your artistic side and make something. If you have a hobby that you particularly love or are good at, make homemade gifts for your friends and family. The extra love you put into a homemade gift really shows and you get to spend your time doing something you enjoy instead of pounding the pavement at the mall desperately searching for the “perfect” gift.

Here are some sites with ideas to get you moving:

1) http://www.ayummymommy.com/2009/10/unique-handcrafted-homemade-christmas.html
2) http://homemadebyjill.blogspot.com/p/tutorials.html
3) http://www.feelslikehomeblog.com/2010/10/10-handmade-christmas-gifts-you-can-make-now/
If this is so not up your alley, try Etsy instead for some amazing items by artisans shipped right to you! 

Give the gift of appreciation – Instead of buying presents for your nearest and dearest, write each of them a letter letting them know how much you appreciate having them in your life. Be specific and mention special times you have shared, moments you have treasured and memories that will stick with your forever. Perhaps include an old photo of the two of you together if you have one.

Pay it forward  – Make a donation in honor of a friend to a cause that is near and dear to a their heart. Most organizations will send a letter to the person letting them know that a gift has been made in their honor. They will most likely be touched that you went out of your way to support a cause that they care about. 


Cook,  Eat & Drink Less – Take that feast made for a King and Queen down a notch! We all know how easy it is to overdue it this time of year and belly-aches and hangovers can be telltale signs! Buy a little less, bake a little less and imbibe a little less of everything you're offered.

As you plan your holidays, we would also suggest that you be mindful of how you are spending your time and make sure that there is plenty of “down time” in order to make the “up time” more enjoyable. One of our favorite quotes for the holiday season is, “DO LESS; ENJOY IT MORE.” Take this as your mantra this year and choose to do only those things which really feed your soul and enliven your spirit. Practice saying “no” gracefully and take time to nurture yourself with healthy food, regular exercise, long salt water baths, soothing or invigorating music, and plenty of sleep (we recommend lots of naps this time of the year :).

And last, but certainly not least, let LOVE be your guide. It’s easy to get caught up in feeling like you have to give the BEST gift, buy the most expensive item and make the most amazing meal so your family feels cherished. By infusing the feeling of love into everything you do and buy this season, your true intent will shine though.

Peace, Oneness, Love and Light to you during this busy season and into 2012!

Jennifer & Lara

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"Are We There Yet?"

Dear Soul Sisters,

I am making progress on my big dreams yet I struggle with "Are we there yet?" syndrome. Any advice for me as I keep persevering AND feel impatient?

"Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation."-- Brian Tracy

Dear Are We There Yet?-

Thanks for sending us a good one. We have a feeling you’re not the only one dealing with this whopper out there! Waiting can be one of the hardest parts of the manifestation process, yet it can also be a beautiful and joyful phase if we cease to see it as “waiting” and embrace it! 

First things first, BREATHE. Stop right now and experience the moment you are in. Take a deep breath. Spread your arms wide and really take in the air around you. What does it feel like to fully inhale, to expand your lungs and fill yourself with the present moment? Do it again. And again. Do this often. As often as you need to to remind yourself that this moment is all we have. This is the moment of your big dream. The dream of life.

Life, unlike a childhood car ride, has no “there” to reach. While this can feel frustrating, we prefer to look at it this way: the ride IS the joy! The path IS the purpose! As much as you’d like to think it’s true, you’re not gonna write that book, sell that screenplay, get that gig, marry that Prince – or whatever it is – and live "happily ever after." But, far from bursting your bubble, we tell you this to take some of the pressure off that destination and encourage you to find the fun along the route!

There is a great scene in the movie “A Lot Like Love,” that really brings this home for us. The main character, Oliver, has built and lost a successful internet business during the dot com boom of the late 90's. He's lost his car, he's lost his apartment and, of course, he's lost his girlfriend. Sitting by the ocean with his older brother (who is a successful lawyer, married and with a kid), he laments his fate. He's in love with a woman he met on a plane seven years ago (and has had chance encounters with ever since), but doesn't feel like he can go after her because, “I'm 29 years old with no job and I live with my parents.” His brother looks out at the ocean, points to everything around them at that moment and says, “This is your life. Right now.”

THIS IS YOUR LIFE. RIGHT NOW. And this moment is all you’re ever guaranteed to get! That can sound really, really scary or be incredibly freeing. We prefer to see the glass as half full here. This IS your life. Welcome yourself to it. Big Dreams come and go. Some because we achieve them and then find that they are replaced by the next Big Dream. Others because something shifts inside of us and they fade away. What never changes is the moment you are in and how you choose to think about it, experience it and live in it.

We would recommend you try walking meditation as a way to practice being exactly where you are. Check out "A Guide to Walking Meditation" by Thich Nhat Hanh to get you started. Or, if you prefer video, try this:

In an article he wrote in Tricycle Magazine, Thich Nhat Hanh recommends repeating this Zen poem to yourself as you walk:

I have arrived.

I am home

in the here,

in the now.

I am solid.

I am free.

In the ultimate

I dwell.

(From “Walk Like a Buddha” by Thich Nhat Hanh in Tricycle magazine, Summer 2011.) 

You may also count your breaths, choose a mantra of your own, or simply walk in silence. All are beautiful ways of practicing being fully in the now with every step you take.

Having said all that about staying in the moment, don't forget to spend some time working through your feelings. When you're at the impatient place again, give yourself 5-10 minutes to have a good temper tantrum about it. Ask "WHY?!?” and say out loud how tired you are of keeping on! It’s good to get those feelings up and out. We say you’re never too old to throw your whole body down and kick, scream and moan when you don’t get your way fast enough. Just don’t stay down there!

Once you get up off the floor, look back at how far you’ve come. Grab a journal and make a gratitude list. What people have you met, experiences have you had and/or hurdles have you cleared to get here? We have a feeling it’s a BIG list and one full of life! Every step has been essential in your process and gotten you where you are today! Would you have wanted to skip any of these along the way? Ok, well, maybe some of them didn’t feel so fun at the time but you’re here and that’s perfect! Someone said it best, “I’m not where I want to be but I’m a heck of a lot better off than where I used to be." We say, "Amen to that!"

Next, like a pilot plotting his course, look ahead to the next airport. Where’s this particular flight plan end? If you’ve got a HUGE dream – like winning an Oscar or the Nobel Peace Prize – know that you might need to stop and refuel along the way. Keep your eye on the big dream AND break it down into smaller, actionable items. That way, you’ll be passing mile markers and ticking things off your list as you fly along. 

Or, as we always say, take the next best step. And then the next one and the next one. You ARE living your big dream right now in the sense that every step you take is part of the process (the journey IS the destination). Keep taking those steps, seeing where they lead and taking the next one. Celebrate your accomplishments along the way and reflect on your failures. Making a big dream come true is like playing a symphony – there are lots of high notes and low notes that work together to make up a beautiful piece of music. Make sure you take time to enjoy playing every note.

As you move forward remember, too, that DIVINE TIMING is not always our timing and that while things may seem to be moving slowly from an earthling's perspective, “...[W]e know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28) God, The Universe, Source planted the seeds for your big dream inside of you and is working night and day behind the scenes to bring you all the goodness and love that you deserve. And so it is! 

Peace, Oneness, Love and Light to you always!

Jennifer & Lara

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What To Do When You're Wondering

Dear Soul Sisters,



I got a newsletter with your email on it saying I could write to you and receive an intuitive email. If this is true, thank you in advance, because I have been really praying for insight. I have been trying to create a career/living with my music, and I have some confidence and perfectionist issues that make certain aspects of creating a music career challenging. I am shy, and sometimes nervous performing, though I also love performing when I break through the fear. I have been hoping the stage fright would go away with age, but it still seems to effect my performances sometimes.


I wonder if I should continue working toward a music career, or if I should let it go, and find another path, and way to make a living. I wonder if I have the natural qualities it takes to tour, and make a living with music. I wonder if you see any jobs, either music related or not that feel like they would suit me...to bring in money. 



Also, I have been feeling blue, and tired, and I wonder how I can feel more aliveness, joy and well being.



Many thanks.

"Do what FEELS easy, not what IS easy." --The Universe

Dear Wondering,

Thanks for your question. We are so glad you found us through the mysterious workings of the Universe and we're happy to share our intuitive hits with you!

First things first: Have you had a regular check-up recently? If not, make time to do so now and make sure all is well on the physical level. If this is the case, we would suggest that feeling down and tired may stem from the uncertainty you are feeling around your career path. Often when what we are doing doesn't fit us anymore, we start to feel unwell. We believe this is life's way of giving us the time we need to figure things out. We hope you will take that time for yourself right now as it feels as if you are at a crossroads in your life and career.

Music is and always will be a part of who you are. It is in your bones and in your heart and in your soul. How you choose to express it and make it a part of your life, however, may change many times over your lifetime. "Should” you continue working toward a career in music? That we cannot answer, but we would urge you to ask yourself a different question: DO I WANT TO? And, if so, how do I want that to look?

Sit down or lie down on the floor and take a few deep breaths. Tune into your own inner knowing and ask yourself this question: Do I want to continue to make my living as a musician? Then listen for your answer. Sometimes our passions are our career and sometimes they are just that – our passions – and doing them as a career can sap some of the joy that comes from doing something for the sheer love of it. Which resonates most strongly for you? Are you just burning to get out there on the road and up on the stage or do you look forward to time alone in the studio or playing music with good friends?

We wonder from reading your letter if perhaps the idea of being a traveling musician feels hard and exhausting to you right now. We get the hit that you may be more of a homebody, that a sense of place and a warm house and comfy couch (maybe even an animal or two) to come home to at the end of the night may feed your particular soul and give you more joy than weeks spent on the road in a tour bus living out of a suitcase and never knowing where you will lay your head that night.

If this resonates as true for you, spend some time releasing this vision of your musical career, which may have been important or exciting to you at another time in your life. Often it is the ideas that get into our head, and not those which flow from our hearts, which we listen to most closely. The Violet Flame meditation (available by signing up on our website, see sidebar) is a great tool for releasing that which no longer serves you. Once you receive it, practice for 30 days and then reevaluate. You may find you feel comfort and ease at releasing this old dream and allowing it to fade away or perhaps there is some part of it that is not working for you and a slight tweak will help things to realign.

If you find that you are ready to imagine new possibilities for yourself in your career that may place you smack dab in the gap – that sometimes uncomfortable place between where you have been and where you are going. We love what Mary Manin Morrissey says about this place in our lives, “Beat the rush to the familiar and value the GAP between where you are and where you are going...the GAP is just the GAP. It's what you say, think and believe about the GAP that determines the outcome.” Although sometimes uncomfortable, the gap can be a very productive place if you allow yourself to feel into it and to think positively about this time of transition.

We encourage you to take the time to do some dreaming and visioning work. Make a list of all the possible careers that interest you – musical and otherwise. We get the hit that it would be good for you to find some alternate work - a day job if you will - and see where your passions lead. To figure out a great area to pursue a position, ask yourself, “What would I do for FREE because it gives me JOY?” Perhaps working with children or animals makes your heart sing? Maybe assisting older adults in a nursing home would be rewarding for you? We get that serving in some capacity (perhaps by sharing music with others) would not only boost your confidence but would add to your sense of contributing to the whole of the planet during this great time of consciousness.

Once you have made your "joy list," post it somewhere where you will see it often and whittle it down to the 2 or 3 options which resonate most strongly for you right now. Then ASK THE UNIVERSE for signs and support. Pray, write a letter to your higher self, do a manifestation worksheet (such as one of these from Colin Tipping), or in some other way ask the Universe for help and assistance in finding your next career and bringing the right and perfect people and opportunities to you.

Then get to work. Make phone calls, send emails, peruse Craigslist, post your resume on Monster.com and connect with people you know (and people you don't) on LinkedIn. Whatever next step presents itself to you, take it and see where it leads. We will be very surprised if once you start this process you don't find yourself with one (or more!) exciting opportunities presenting themselves to you within a fairly short period of time.

Remember to stay open to the unconventional and unusual. Especially for us creative types (writers, authors, artists and intuitives) the usual job just often isn't a good fit. Keep in mind too that the perfect full time job may be two part time jobs, perhaps one in music and one doing something completely different. Perhaps something that involves spiritual service and music would resonate for you right now. Many New Thought churches have guest musicians or even house bands. See if there are opportunities in your area to serve - while singing and strumming – in this way.

Have you ever heard of Cat Power? The singer, Chan Marshall, has been wildly successful despite suffering from stage fright and substance abuse. Recently, her performing has become more polished and she’s been praised for being more upbeat and professional. In an article, Chan credited her musical collaborators and sobriety with her turnaround.

What underlying issue is at the heart of your perfectionism and stage fright? We have a feeling that, like many of us, something you experienced in childhood taught you to be fearful, to hide your light and to fear soaring in the spotlight. It sounds like you have had moments of breakthrough and we’d encourage you to dig deeper. Find a therapist to work with, perhaps someone specializing in bioenergetics and incorporating the freeing of the body or look for someone in your area who is a vocal coach, also incorporating confidence building and stage presence in their practice areas. Keep in mind that "Courage isn't an absence of fear. It's doing what you are afraid to do. It's having the power to let go of the familiar and forge ahead into new territory."  (John Maxwell) You may always feel a little bit of stage fright, but you can learn to manage it and to perform beautifully in spite of it. While working on this issue don't forget to spend some time singing just for FUN too!

We would urge you to take especially good care of yourself during this time of transition. We'd suggest:

--Make sure you are getting regular exercise. Exercise boosts energy, raises endorphin levels and just generally helps to keep the blues at bay. 
--Spend at least 20 minutes per day in nature. Walk in a park, by the beach, sit in a garden and yes, hug some trees. They can be very nourishing and enriching to human souls!
--Develop a meditation practice. Tune into your heart each morning or evening. The more you build this muscle, the more clear your heart and mind will become. We have a feeling your own answers will begin speaking to you much more loudly too! 
--Get plenty of sleep. As we've just fallen back, see if you can start heading to bed an hour earlier and getting your body on a natural rhythm with our setting sun. 
--Eat healthy, high vibration foods. Incorporate more fruits, veggies and fresh, raw ingredients into your diet. Reduce the amount of processed foods you choose and stay away from fast and fried foods. 
--Take sea-salt baths at night. Add candles and soothing oils like lavender to make your home a spa-like space!

As a part of our work on your question, we pulled some Angel Cards for you. Here's what we got:

1) You are a powerful healer. How can you use your natural gifts and talents to help heal others and the world?

2) Now is the time to take excellent care of yourself. Allow yourself to receive massage and other body work and pamper yourself in ways that feed your soul.

3) Is there someone else involved in this situation? Are you responding to outside pressures in the building of your career? Recognize that ultimately it is you that has to live your life and let go of any need to please others with your life choices. See their perspective with compassion and then let it go.

May beautiful music, peace, oneness, love and light fill your life now and always!

Jennifer & Lara

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