Finding A Purpose in Life

Dear Soul Sisters,

I am feeling the call to some creative business venture, but don't know exactly what it can be. I ask the Universe for a way to support my 62-year-old self, doing something I am HAPPY doing that I can handle, probably home-based, and can create a great income to use wisely and lovingly. To be good to myself and others. Any Insights? Intuitive hits? Clarity?


It needs to manifest SOON, lol lol lol.


"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life and don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. Most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become." —Steve Jobs

Dear Feeling Called,

Thanks for writing! As many people on our planet are being Divinely Reassigned, it’s a perfect time to step into your deepest purpose and claim your highest good!

We love that you’ve set your intention on being HAPPY first in your new endeavor. With that in mind, we'd encourage you to make a list of all the things that make you HAPPY, all the things that you truly enJOY doing. Include jobs that you have had in the past that you really loved, tasks you enjoy or enjoyed doing. Do you love talking to people all day long or would you rather be alone to get your work done? Are you great at detail work or more of a big picture thinker?

Get it all down on paper and then, after giving it and yourself some time to breathe, come back to your list and see what jobs pop out at you from this list. What jobs seem to be a natural fit given your talents and passions? We noticed from your website that you are already involved in what appear to be many creative ventures. Does one of these fit the bill or are you ready to move in a completely different direction?

To dig a bit deeper, we’d direct you to your heart. Often we have many ideas in our head about how we can make money but it’s our heart that holds the truth of our purpose. Spend time alone in quiet meditation. To enable more openness of your heart, picture the face of someone you love unconditionally like a pet or a small child. Feel the love well up and space open across your chest.

From this place of openness, ask your heart to show you your purpose. Ask, very specifically, “What am I here to be?” Wait and see what answer appears. Very often we are given a big answer and then are tasked with walking the path and listening as we move through life. With your focus on YOUR big picture, you can head in the right direction. Trust that once you have your way, the Universe will take care of directing the HOW!!!

Another fun way to get some clarity, is by taking Laura Hillock’s quiz on “What Kind of Creative Spirit Are you?” Click HERE to access it. Laura’s got some great tips and techniques at Soul Art Studio and is full of creative energy and ideas!

Once you have some ideas, we would suggest that you start looking around – at your local classifieds, on Craigslist – and see if anything pops for you. Karen Bishop, a channel of the Earth's energy, reported in one of her energy alerts from before 11/11/11 that one of the paradigms of the “new Earth” would be a shift from full time jobs to two or more varied part-time jobs. This has always had a ring of truth for us and we share it with you now as a suggestion for moving forward.

Look around and see what part-time employment might be immediately available to meet your need for income. This could still be something that you can do from home – perhaps on the phone? - or perhaps something out in your community. We get the feeling that you are a joyful person who gets energized by sharing and connecting with others. While home-based business can be GREAT, it might also serve you to be out in your community making connections. Is there a senior center or cancer program where you could share your expertise? We see you leading groups and cheering people on in some way. Your life path has prepared you to show others a way through some hard lessons and by giving back, you will find happiness.

We have a feeling that once you step up and out in this way, the path to profit will become clear. Many times we are an expert at something yet we need to claim that first before the world will recognize it. Having a "real" job may also have the added benefit of giving you a “break” from your many creative endeavors, a way to give structure and focus to your days as well as a steady and reliable source of income. Remember, follow your JOY & the money will come!

Once that is in place, pick one of your creative passions – either a current one or a new one that came up as a result of your visioning work – and really go for it. Devote yourself to it. Make a commitment to do one thing a day that advances your vision for this business and then do it. If you can do two or more things per day, great! But commit to at least one and follow through. Talk to friends and family members, share your vision with them and get their support. Give yourself six months to a year of constant effort and attention to get this business off the ground and launched into the world.

As you move forward, we would suggest taking time daily to meditate and ground yourself in order to stay in constant contact with your guidance and your Higher Self. This will, we believe, assist you along the path to your new life. If you need resources to get started with a meditation practice, click here for some great tips from Donna Thomson, author of The Vibrant Life: Simple Meditations to Use Your Energy Effectively. 

We see something big for you on the horizon, but it is not here yet. Be patient and give it time. Like making kombucha tea, this process will take time, patience and loving attention, but will bear fruit that is nourishing and delicious to taste!

We wish you much peace, oneness, love and light as you move forward,

Jennifer & Lara

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Creating a More Conscious Christmas, Chanukah or Kwanza

Dear Soul Sisters,

As we move toward the Christmas/Holiday gift-giving season, I find myself dreading all of the shopping and eating and spending and gorging that seems to come with the season these days. How can I celebrate Christmas AND align to my new consciousness of reducing consumerism and senseless shopping?

"He who has not Christmas in his heart will not find it under a tree." --Roy L Smith

Dear Desperately Seeking a Conscious Christmas,

Thanks so much for your question and we hear you! With the economic downturn and the spiritual upturn we're experiencing on Earth, we're certain you're not the only one asking! We've got lots of great ideas for putting a little less consumerism and a little more consciousness into YOUR Christmas (or Chanukah or Kwanza).

To kick things off, we’d invite you to take a quantum leap in consciousness with us. While our families and jobs DO provide the tangible means for our income, God, Spirit, the Universe, is our SOURCE and SUPPLY of everything! What do you need more of right now? With that in mind, take this Karen Drucker lyric out for a spin, “God is my Source, God is my power, God gives me everything I need. So I give thanks for all my blessings, God gives me everything I need…” When we start here, we open to possibility and dance with the Divine in an affirming and accepting way. We begin by feeling more grateful for what we have and where we are and let go of any feeling of “lack.” Sing it whenever you you need the reminder!

Then we’d urge you to get clear about what Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanza means to you. Take some space alone in the quiet to ask your heart what you LOVE about this time of year. What memories pop up? What spirit needs to shine through for you to feel the JOY? Maybe it’s trimming the tree, lighting the menorah, giving gifts or perhaps it’s simply spending time with loved ones in front of the fire. Whatever makes your heart sing for the season, do your best to incorporate that into YOUR celebration. We’d urge to share this with your family and let them know where you are coming from. At the same time, encourage them to share the parts that will mean the most to them too! Now more than ever, it's about honoring the "we" over the "me."

If you have kids, this is especially important. Let them know ahead of time that while they have a fabulous list, they won’t get EVERYTHING on it this year. Ask them to highlight the one or two things that they really, really want and assure them that Santa will do his/her best! Spend some time talking about the true meaning of the holidays. We LOVE the "Gift of the Magi"story by O. Henry to show this better than either of us could tell it!

Now, onto the gift-giving part. Here are our ideas for making the most of your holly jolly time and resources this year. As our Earth awakens, it’s wonderful to be re-thinking our approach together!

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle – this motto of environmental conservation works equally well for having a more conscious, less consumer Christmas.

REDUCE the number of presents you are giving by suggesting to your family, workplace or social group that you draw names or have a “white elephant” Christmas gift exchange. Each person then brings just one gift to give to a specific person or to someone at random. If you used to go for a $50 limit, try $25 or even $10 this time and see how creative you can get!

REUSE gifts that you have been given in the past. “Re-gifting” has gotten a bad rap, but if you have gotten a gift that you can't use or don't like, but you know someone who you think would genuinely love it, we say go for it! You don't have to tell them you are re-gifting, only that you thought of them when you saw it.

When it's time to wrap, look around your house for wrapping paper, cards, tags and see what you can reuse from last year. This means spending less on paper AND making less trash for our planet! With this in mind, go outside and see if you can gather enough evergreens to make your own wreath. Once you open to doing things differently, we have a feeling the ideas will FLOW!

RECYCLE by shopping at second-hand stores for antique, vintage or “like-new” items. We are huge fans of Good Will, Value Village and other second-hand stores. Often the things you find there are better than new because they tend to be unique or one-of-a-kind and not the same old, same old that is being sold in every retail outlet this year. This also turns your shopping trip into a scavenger hunt, which takes some of the tedium out of it for you and makes it, gasp, FUN!!!

Here are some other ideas for creating a more conscious Christmas:

Nothing can make you feel prosperous and more open-hearted than giving to those who have far greater needs this time of year. Include your kids in this activity. Adopt a local family, send gifts to a service man or woman overseas or volunteer to serve food at a shelter this holiday season. Spending time helping others always helps us focus less on what we don't have and more on what we DO.

Shop locally! As easy as it is to load that Amazon cart and hit “check-out,” why not give the little guy your dollars this year and save on gas & shipping costs too? Walk around your neighborhood and see what the elves are offering. If you start earlier, you’ll have plenty of time and be surprised by all the goodies right around you!

Give the Gift of Time (and your talents) – Gifts of time and talent can take many forms. If you are giving it to someone you don't get to see often or spend a lot of time with, make it a gift for a whole day together doing some of your favorite things like an all-day movie party or a home spa day where you paint each others nails and give each other foot baths. If it is for a partner or parent, a coupon book for some “honey-dos” is often a great gift. Give a coupon for a batch of cookies, a back rub, or an afternoon spent raking leaves or changing out all the batteries in their fire alarms. Anything that you know they hate doing or can't do on their own makes a great coupon. If you are a massage therapist, hairstylist, plumber or have some other high demand skill, give free or discount coupons to everyone on your list. We have a feeling they'll ooh & aah!

Give experiences not things – If there's a movie or a play you have seen or a restaurant you have eaten at that you know your friend would love too, give them the gift of this experience. If it's in your budget, buy another ticket for yourself and make it the gift of time spent together as well.

Get crafty – That’s right, tap into your artistic side and make something. If you have a hobby that you particularly love or are good at, make homemade gifts for your friends and family. The extra love you put into a homemade gift really shows and you get to spend your time doing something you enjoy instead of pounding the pavement at the mall desperately searching for the “perfect” gift.

Here are some sites with ideas to get you moving:

1) http://www.ayummymommy.com/2009/10/unique-handcrafted-homemade-christmas.html
2) http://homemadebyjill.blogspot.com/p/tutorials.html
3) http://www.feelslikehomeblog.com/2010/10/10-handmade-christmas-gifts-you-can-make-now/
If this is so not up your alley, try Etsy instead for some amazing items by artisans shipped right to you! 

Give the gift of appreciation – Instead of buying presents for your nearest and dearest, write each of them a letter letting them know how much you appreciate having them in your life. Be specific and mention special times you have shared, moments you have treasured and memories that will stick with your forever. Perhaps include an old photo of the two of you together if you have one.

Pay it forward  – Make a donation in honor of a friend to a cause that is near and dear to a their heart. Most organizations will send a letter to the person letting them know that a gift has been made in their honor. They will most likely be touched that you went out of your way to support a cause that they care about. 


Cook,  Eat & Drink Less – Take that feast made for a King and Queen down a notch! We all know how easy it is to overdue it this time of year and belly-aches and hangovers can be telltale signs! Buy a little less, bake a little less and imbibe a little less of everything you're offered.

As you plan your holidays, we would also suggest that you be mindful of how you are spending your time and make sure that there is plenty of “down time” in order to make the “up time” more enjoyable. One of our favorite quotes for the holiday season is, “DO LESS; ENJOY IT MORE.” Take this as your mantra this year and choose to do only those things which really feed your soul and enliven your spirit. Practice saying “no” gracefully and take time to nurture yourself with healthy food, regular exercise, long salt water baths, soothing or invigorating music, and plenty of sleep (we recommend lots of naps this time of the year :).

And last, but certainly not least, let LOVE be your guide. It’s easy to get caught up in feeling like you have to give the BEST gift, buy the most expensive item and make the most amazing meal so your family feels cherished. By infusing the feeling of love into everything you do and buy this season, your true intent will shine though.

Peace, Oneness, Love and Light to you during this busy season and into 2012!

Jennifer & Lara

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"Are We There Yet?"

Dear Soul Sisters,

I am making progress on my big dreams yet I struggle with "Are we there yet?" syndrome. Any advice for me as I keep persevering AND feel impatient?

"Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation."-- Brian Tracy

Dear Are We There Yet?-

Thanks for sending us a good one. We have a feeling you’re not the only one dealing with this whopper out there! Waiting can be one of the hardest parts of the manifestation process, yet it can also be a beautiful and joyful phase if we cease to see it as “waiting” and embrace it! 

First things first, BREATHE. Stop right now and experience the moment you are in. Take a deep breath. Spread your arms wide and really take in the air around you. What does it feel like to fully inhale, to expand your lungs and fill yourself with the present moment? Do it again. And again. Do this often. As often as you need to to remind yourself that this moment is all we have. This is the moment of your big dream. The dream of life.

Life, unlike a childhood car ride, has no “there” to reach. While this can feel frustrating, we prefer to look at it this way: the ride IS the joy! The path IS the purpose! As much as you’d like to think it’s true, you’re not gonna write that book, sell that screenplay, get that gig, marry that Prince – or whatever it is – and live "happily ever after." But, far from bursting your bubble, we tell you this to take some of the pressure off that destination and encourage you to find the fun along the route!

There is a great scene in the movie “A Lot Like Love,” that really brings this home for us. The main character, Oliver, has built and lost a successful internet business during the dot com boom of the late 90's. He's lost his car, he's lost his apartment and, of course, he's lost his girlfriend. Sitting by the ocean with his older brother (who is a successful lawyer, married and with a kid), he laments his fate. He's in love with a woman he met on a plane seven years ago (and has had chance encounters with ever since), but doesn't feel like he can go after her because, “I'm 29 years old with no job and I live with my parents.” His brother looks out at the ocean, points to everything around them at that moment and says, “This is your life. Right now.”

THIS IS YOUR LIFE. RIGHT NOW. And this moment is all you’re ever guaranteed to get! That can sound really, really scary or be incredibly freeing. We prefer to see the glass as half full here. This IS your life. Welcome yourself to it. Big Dreams come and go. Some because we achieve them and then find that they are replaced by the next Big Dream. Others because something shifts inside of us and they fade away. What never changes is the moment you are in and how you choose to think about it, experience it and live in it.

We would recommend you try walking meditation as a way to practice being exactly where you are. Check out "A Guide to Walking Meditation" by Thich Nhat Hanh to get you started. Or, if you prefer video, try this:

In an article he wrote in Tricycle Magazine, Thich Nhat Hanh recommends repeating this Zen poem to yourself as you walk:

I have arrived.

I am home

in the here,

in the now.

I am solid.

I am free.

In the ultimate

I dwell.

(From “Walk Like a Buddha” by Thich Nhat Hanh in Tricycle magazine, Summer 2011.) 

You may also count your breaths, choose a mantra of your own, or simply walk in silence. All are beautiful ways of practicing being fully in the now with every step you take.

Having said all that about staying in the moment, don't forget to spend some time working through your feelings. When you're at the impatient place again, give yourself 5-10 minutes to have a good temper tantrum about it. Ask "WHY?!?” and say out loud how tired you are of keeping on! It’s good to get those feelings up and out. We say you’re never too old to throw your whole body down and kick, scream and moan when you don’t get your way fast enough. Just don’t stay down there!

Once you get up off the floor, look back at how far you’ve come. Grab a journal and make a gratitude list. What people have you met, experiences have you had and/or hurdles have you cleared to get here? We have a feeling it’s a BIG list and one full of life! Every step has been essential in your process and gotten you where you are today! Would you have wanted to skip any of these along the way? Ok, well, maybe some of them didn’t feel so fun at the time but you’re here and that’s perfect! Someone said it best, “I’m not where I want to be but I’m a heck of a lot better off than where I used to be." We say, "Amen to that!"

Next, like a pilot plotting his course, look ahead to the next airport. Where’s this particular flight plan end? If you’ve got a HUGE dream – like winning an Oscar or the Nobel Peace Prize – know that you might need to stop and refuel along the way. Keep your eye on the big dream AND break it down into smaller, actionable items. That way, you’ll be passing mile markers and ticking things off your list as you fly along. 

Or, as we always say, take the next best step. And then the next one and the next one. You ARE living your big dream right now in the sense that every step you take is part of the process (the journey IS the destination). Keep taking those steps, seeing where they lead and taking the next one. Celebrate your accomplishments along the way and reflect on your failures. Making a big dream come true is like playing a symphony – there are lots of high notes and low notes that work together to make up a beautiful piece of music. Make sure you take time to enjoy playing every note.

As you move forward remember, too, that DIVINE TIMING is not always our timing and that while things may seem to be moving slowly from an earthling's perspective, “...[W]e know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28) God, The Universe, Source planted the seeds for your big dream inside of you and is working night and day behind the scenes to bring you all the goodness and love that you deserve. And so it is! 

Peace, Oneness, Love and Light to you always!

Jennifer & Lara

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What To Do When You're Wondering

Dear Soul Sisters,



I got a newsletter with your email on it saying I could write to you and receive an intuitive email. If this is true, thank you in advance, because I have been really praying for insight. I have been trying to create a career/living with my music, and I have some confidence and perfectionist issues that make certain aspects of creating a music career challenging. I am shy, and sometimes nervous performing, though I also love performing when I break through the fear. I have been hoping the stage fright would go away with age, but it still seems to effect my performances sometimes.


I wonder if I should continue working toward a music career, or if I should let it go, and find another path, and way to make a living. I wonder if I have the natural qualities it takes to tour, and make a living with music. I wonder if you see any jobs, either music related or not that feel like they would suit me...to bring in money. 



Also, I have been feeling blue, and tired, and I wonder how I can feel more aliveness, joy and well being.



Many thanks.

"Do what FEELS easy, not what IS easy." --The Universe

Dear Wondering,

Thanks for your question. We are so glad you found us through the mysterious workings of the Universe and we're happy to share our intuitive hits with you!

First things first: Have you had a regular check-up recently? If not, make time to do so now and make sure all is well on the physical level. If this is the case, we would suggest that feeling down and tired may stem from the uncertainty you are feeling around your career path. Often when what we are doing doesn't fit us anymore, we start to feel unwell. We believe this is life's way of giving us the time we need to figure things out. We hope you will take that time for yourself right now as it feels as if you are at a crossroads in your life and career.

Music is and always will be a part of who you are. It is in your bones and in your heart and in your soul. How you choose to express it and make it a part of your life, however, may change many times over your lifetime. "Should” you continue working toward a career in music? That we cannot answer, but we would urge you to ask yourself a different question: DO I WANT TO? And, if so, how do I want that to look?

Sit down or lie down on the floor and take a few deep breaths. Tune into your own inner knowing and ask yourself this question: Do I want to continue to make my living as a musician? Then listen for your answer. Sometimes our passions are our career and sometimes they are just that – our passions – and doing them as a career can sap some of the joy that comes from doing something for the sheer love of it. Which resonates most strongly for you? Are you just burning to get out there on the road and up on the stage or do you look forward to time alone in the studio or playing music with good friends?

We wonder from reading your letter if perhaps the idea of being a traveling musician feels hard and exhausting to you right now. We get the hit that you may be more of a homebody, that a sense of place and a warm house and comfy couch (maybe even an animal or two) to come home to at the end of the night may feed your particular soul and give you more joy than weeks spent on the road in a tour bus living out of a suitcase and never knowing where you will lay your head that night.

If this resonates as true for you, spend some time releasing this vision of your musical career, which may have been important or exciting to you at another time in your life. Often it is the ideas that get into our head, and not those which flow from our hearts, which we listen to most closely. The Violet Flame meditation (available by signing up on our website, see sidebar) is a great tool for releasing that which no longer serves you. Once you receive it, practice for 30 days and then reevaluate. You may find you feel comfort and ease at releasing this old dream and allowing it to fade away or perhaps there is some part of it that is not working for you and a slight tweak will help things to realign.

If you find that you are ready to imagine new possibilities for yourself in your career that may place you smack dab in the gap – that sometimes uncomfortable place between where you have been and where you are going. We love what Mary Manin Morrissey says about this place in our lives, “Beat the rush to the familiar and value the GAP between where you are and where you are going...the GAP is just the GAP. It's what you say, think and believe about the GAP that determines the outcome.” Although sometimes uncomfortable, the gap can be a very productive place if you allow yourself to feel into it and to think positively about this time of transition.

We encourage you to take the time to do some dreaming and visioning work. Make a list of all the possible careers that interest you – musical and otherwise. We get the hit that it would be good for you to find some alternate work - a day job if you will - and see where your passions lead. To figure out a great area to pursue a position, ask yourself, “What would I do for FREE because it gives me JOY?” Perhaps working with children or animals makes your heart sing? Maybe assisting older adults in a nursing home would be rewarding for you? We get that serving in some capacity (perhaps by sharing music with others) would not only boost your confidence but would add to your sense of contributing to the whole of the planet during this great time of consciousness.

Once you have made your "joy list," post it somewhere where you will see it often and whittle it down to the 2 or 3 options which resonate most strongly for you right now. Then ASK THE UNIVERSE for signs and support. Pray, write a letter to your higher self, do a manifestation worksheet (such as one of these from Colin Tipping), or in some other way ask the Universe for help and assistance in finding your next career and bringing the right and perfect people and opportunities to you.

Then get to work. Make phone calls, send emails, peruse Craigslist, post your resume on Monster.com and connect with people you know (and people you don't) on LinkedIn. Whatever next step presents itself to you, take it and see where it leads. We will be very surprised if once you start this process you don't find yourself with one (or more!) exciting opportunities presenting themselves to you within a fairly short period of time.

Remember to stay open to the unconventional and unusual. Especially for us creative types (writers, authors, artists and intuitives) the usual job just often isn't a good fit. Keep in mind too that the perfect full time job may be two part time jobs, perhaps one in music and one doing something completely different. Perhaps something that involves spiritual service and music would resonate for you right now. Many New Thought churches have guest musicians or even house bands. See if there are opportunities in your area to serve - while singing and strumming – in this way.

Have you ever heard of Cat Power? The singer, Chan Marshall, has been wildly successful despite suffering from stage fright and substance abuse. Recently, her performing has become more polished and she’s been praised for being more upbeat and professional. In an article, Chan credited her musical collaborators and sobriety with her turnaround.

What underlying issue is at the heart of your perfectionism and stage fright? We have a feeling that, like many of us, something you experienced in childhood taught you to be fearful, to hide your light and to fear soaring in the spotlight. It sounds like you have had moments of breakthrough and we’d encourage you to dig deeper. Find a therapist to work with, perhaps someone specializing in bioenergetics and incorporating the freeing of the body or look for someone in your area who is a vocal coach, also incorporating confidence building and stage presence in their practice areas. Keep in mind that "Courage isn't an absence of fear. It's doing what you are afraid to do. It's having the power to let go of the familiar and forge ahead into new territory."  (John Maxwell) You may always feel a little bit of stage fright, but you can learn to manage it and to perform beautifully in spite of it. While working on this issue don't forget to spend some time singing just for FUN too!

We would urge you to take especially good care of yourself during this time of transition. We'd suggest:

--Make sure you are getting regular exercise. Exercise boosts energy, raises endorphin levels and just generally helps to keep the blues at bay. 
--Spend at least 20 minutes per day in nature. Walk in a park, by the beach, sit in a garden and yes, hug some trees. They can be very nourishing and enriching to human souls!
--Develop a meditation practice. Tune into your heart each morning or evening. The more you build this muscle, the more clear your heart and mind will become. We have a feeling your own answers will begin speaking to you much more loudly too! 
--Get plenty of sleep. As we've just fallen back, see if you can start heading to bed an hour earlier and getting your body on a natural rhythm with our setting sun. 
--Eat healthy, high vibration foods. Incorporate more fruits, veggies and fresh, raw ingredients into your diet. Reduce the amount of processed foods you choose and stay away from fast and fried foods. 
--Take sea-salt baths at night. Add candles and soothing oils like lavender to make your home a spa-like space!

As a part of our work on your question, we pulled some Angel Cards for you. Here's what we got:

1) You are a powerful healer. How can you use your natural gifts and talents to help heal others and the world?

2) Now is the time to take excellent care of yourself. Allow yourself to receive massage and other body work and pamper yourself in ways that feed your soul.

3) Is there someone else involved in this situation? Are you responding to outside pressures in the building of your career? Recognize that ultimately it is you that has to live your life and let go of any need to please others with your life choices. See their perspective with compassion and then let it go.

May beautiful music, peace, oneness, love and light fill your life now and always!

Jennifer & Lara

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Overcoming Self-Doubt

Dear Soul Sisters,


I accidentally found your website and think it happened for a reason. I am 18
 years old and have had a hard road. My parents have had addiction problems
 and as you can imagine, a never-ending cycle of events have resulted.
 Anyways things have started to calm down, and I have just accepted people
 for who they are. But I am feeling drained emotionally, physically and
 mentally. I have been unwell, lazy, unfit and judge the way I look
 continually. I am a singer and I want to pursue a music career but I feel
 as if I am not good enough at times and scared I also feel unmotivated to go 
for it. I have lost all faith I used to be very religious and just feel like
 I'm wasting my life living day to day trying to be unnoticed. I just wanted
 some advice because I can't talk to anyone and nobody would understand
 anyways. 

Thank you for your time,

Angeline

“Freedom is what you do with what has been done to you.” --John Paul Sartre from Dr. Cat's Helping Handbook

Dear Angeline,

Thanks for your question. We are happy to shed some loving-light on your situation and are so sorry for the tough times you have had growing up. Becoming an adult is not an easy process in and of itself and is made more difficult when those who are supposed to be in charge are struggling with their own issues. Take a moment to appreciate yourself for having made it this far!

The bad news is that you had parents who could not care for you in a way that would have been ideal. The good news is that you are an adult now and you are free. We're going to say that again YOU ARE FREE. And the best news is that - at only 18 - you are already starting to look for answers, to ask for help and to search for something better.  In many ways, that puts you in a prime position to focus on the one person you can change: YOU! So let's get to work.

First things first, get some help. It sounds like you are really ready to start working on the issues that have been left from your childhood and counseling is often a great place to start. You need not go it alone. If you have health insurance, many plans include mental health benefits. Check with your provider and see what your benefits are then begin your search for a counselor in your area. Most large cities have referral networks (there may be some available with your health plan) on the internet. Check these out and see who resonates for you – what name, what face – seems to be calling out to you. We would recommend that you find a female counselor for your first go round as she might be more likely to understand what you are going through right now as a young woman making her first steps out into the world. If you do not have health insurance, try your local crisis line. They can often refer you to free or low-cost counseling through their networks.

In the meantime, here are some things you can do on your own to jump start your healing:

Clear your energy. We’ve got a feeling that you’ve taken on a bunch of stuff that’s not even yours and it's weighing you down – physically and emotionally. Taking sea-salt or table-salt baths can cleanse you and leave you with only your energy to manage! Pamper your body and soul by taking one every night for at least two weeks.

Get some exercise. You say that you feel “unfit, unwell, and judge the way you look,” so get started on changing that to the best of your ability. As with any undertaking, give yourself permission to start where you are TODAY! Get up every morning and go for a ten minute walk. Or grab a video online like this or a DVD to start doing twenty minutes of yoga every day. Put on your favorite music and dance around your room. Whatever feels good to you do that NOW. Start slowly but move your body every day. You will be amazed at how much better you start to feel.

Boost your health. We’re also feeling guided to recommend organic apple cider vinegar to you as a daily “boost” to your system. A holistic health wonder, it’s been known to balance your body’s PH, flush toxins and improve immune functioning. Kinda like the apple a day theory in a bottle. Try this recipe daily: 2 teaspoons of organic apple cider vinegar in 
16 ounces of water
. Sip, don't chug! Once you are feeling more physically well, you’ll be able to concentrate a bit more on everything else.

Connect to your soul. Spend some time each day in quiet meditation, getting centered and grounded and connecting with yourself. If this feels hard to you, find some soothing music to get you in the mood. The more you get to know yourself the more you will see the beauty that is inherent in who you are as God, Spirit, Source made you. Feel your inner beauty. See it. Appreciate it. Love it.

Practice self-love. Practice looking  - REALLY looking – at yourself in the mirror. For 30 days, write down ONE thing each day that you love about yourself. Even if the negative, harsh judgmental voice is loud, drown it out and come up with at least ONE thing per day. It can be your voice, your handwriting, your smile, or your shoes. Anything, just write it down!

Get a new 'do. Look though magazines and find a sassy new hair-do you love! Make an appointment and get it done ASAP. If your budget is tight, look for a local hair-styling school as they offer steals and deals as well as being up on the latest looks and trends! 

Go shopping. While retail therapy can't cure all that ails you, we think a bit might help! Buy yourself AT LEAST one new or new-to-you item at the mall or local thrift store. We’re HUGE fans of Value Village, Goodwill and the Salvation Army (as well as local outlets) and know you can get great-looking bargains for less. One favorite new find might make a big difference!

Join Al-Anon. A support group for friends and family members of alcoholics, you will find many people here who will understand because they have been there. These groups provide support, understanding and a place to tell your story. It can feel counter-intuitive, especially if you have been raised in an addictive home where secrets often rein, but we believe that we are only as sick as our secrets. As soon as you can admit to your feelings and share the ways in which you have been hurt with others you will be amazed at how free you will feel.

Get a copy of the book Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping. There are many great exercises in the book for helping to forgive your parents, free you from your past and move forward with your life. One we would especially recommend for you is called “A Wake for Your Inner Child.” In this meditation, you lay to rest the aches and pains of your childhood that you are still carrying around with you so that you can move on with your life.

Ask yourself: What would I do first with my singing dream if I knew it was possible? Then take that first step towards your singing career. Would you take some voice lessons? Would you find a band to join? Would you form one? Whatever you think that next step would be, take it and see what happens. You'll be glad you did! From there, follow your heart to take the next best step after that!

Seek and find your faith. You say that you previously had religious beliefs. Some of what you may be feeling is a sense of disconnection from your Spirit.  Ever read, “Are you there, God, it’s me Margaret?” by Judy Blume. As you are falling asleep at night, say a few words of your own to God, Source, the Universe or any name that works for you. Let whatever and wherever you are bubble up and out. Clear your heart, soul and mind of what’s worrying and weighing on you the most. If you listen, you just might get an answer!

Then look around your area for a new faith community. Try different churches, even different religions and see what resonates with you right now. If you start to cry or feel your heart expand when you are there this may be a sign that you have found a new spiritual home. Look for some place that makes you feel joyful, alive, expansive and go as often as you can.

Remember that you are here for a reason. Don't give up on finding your life's purpose before you even start. Keep trying. We like how Albert Einstein puts it here, "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving."

We send your body, mind, spirit and soul peace, oneness, love and light today and all days. Know that you are never alone on your path and that Source is always with you prospering you and guiding you to the right and perfect next steps.

Jennifer & Lara

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