Overcoming Self-Doubt

Dear Soul Sisters,


I accidentally found your website and think it happened for a reason. I am 18
 years old and have had a hard road. My parents have had addiction problems
 and as you can imagine, a never-ending cycle of events have resulted.
 Anyways things have started to calm down, and I have just accepted people
 for who they are. But I am feeling drained emotionally, physically and
 mentally. I have been unwell, lazy, unfit and judge the way I look
 continually. I am a singer and I want to pursue a music career but I feel
 as if I am not good enough at times and scared I also feel unmotivated to go 
for it. I have lost all faith I used to be very religious and just feel like
 I'm wasting my life living day to day trying to be unnoticed. I just wanted
 some advice because I can't talk to anyone and nobody would understand
 anyways. 

Thank you for your time,

Angeline

“Freedom is what you do with what has been done to you.” --John Paul Sartre from Dr. Cat's Helping Handbook

Dear Angeline,

Thanks for your question. We are happy to shed some loving-light on your situation and are so sorry for the tough times you have had growing up. Becoming an adult is not an easy process in and of itself and is made more difficult when those who are supposed to be in charge are struggling with their own issues. Take a moment to appreciate yourself for having made it this far!

The bad news is that you had parents who could not care for you in a way that would have been ideal. The good news is that you are an adult now and you are free. We're going to say that again YOU ARE FREE. And the best news is that - at only 18 - you are already starting to look for answers, to ask for help and to search for something better.  In many ways, that puts you in a prime position to focus on the one person you can change: YOU! So let's get to work.

First things first, get some help. It sounds like you are really ready to start working on the issues that have been left from your childhood and counseling is often a great place to start. You need not go it alone. If you have health insurance, many plans include mental health benefits. Check with your provider and see what your benefits are then begin your search for a counselor in your area. Most large cities have referral networks (there may be some available with your health plan) on the internet. Check these out and see who resonates for you – what name, what face – seems to be calling out to you. We would recommend that you find a female counselor for your first go round as she might be more likely to understand what you are going through right now as a young woman making her first steps out into the world. If you do not have health insurance, try your local crisis line. They can often refer you to free or low-cost counseling through their networks.

In the meantime, here are some things you can do on your own to jump start your healing:

Clear your energy. We’ve got a feeling that you’ve taken on a bunch of stuff that’s not even yours and it's weighing you down – physically and emotionally. Taking sea-salt or table-salt baths can cleanse you and leave you with only your energy to manage! Pamper your body and soul by taking one every night for at least two weeks.

Get some exercise. You say that you feel “unfit, unwell, and judge the way you look,” so get started on changing that to the best of your ability. As with any undertaking, give yourself permission to start where you are TODAY! Get up every morning and go for a ten minute walk. Or grab a video online like this or a DVD to start doing twenty minutes of yoga every day. Put on your favorite music and dance around your room. Whatever feels good to you do that NOW. Start slowly but move your body every day. You will be amazed at how much better you start to feel.

Boost your health. We’re also feeling guided to recommend organic apple cider vinegar to you as a daily “boost” to your system. A holistic health wonder, it’s been known to balance your body’s PH, flush toxins and improve immune functioning. Kinda like the apple a day theory in a bottle. Try this recipe daily: 2 teaspoons of organic apple cider vinegar in 
16 ounces of water
. Sip, don't chug! Once you are feeling more physically well, you’ll be able to concentrate a bit more on everything else.

Connect to your soul. Spend some time each day in quiet meditation, getting centered and grounded and connecting with yourself. If this feels hard to you, find some soothing music to get you in the mood. The more you get to know yourself the more you will see the beauty that is inherent in who you are as God, Spirit, Source made you. Feel your inner beauty. See it. Appreciate it. Love it.

Practice self-love. Practice looking  - REALLY looking – at yourself in the mirror. For 30 days, write down ONE thing each day that you love about yourself. Even if the negative, harsh judgmental voice is loud, drown it out and come up with at least ONE thing per day. It can be your voice, your handwriting, your smile, or your shoes. Anything, just write it down!

Get a new 'do. Look though magazines and find a sassy new hair-do you love! Make an appointment and get it done ASAP. If your budget is tight, look for a local hair-styling school as they offer steals and deals as well as being up on the latest looks and trends! 

Go shopping. While retail therapy can't cure all that ails you, we think a bit might help! Buy yourself AT LEAST one new or new-to-you item at the mall or local thrift store. We’re HUGE fans of Value Village, Goodwill and the Salvation Army (as well as local outlets) and know you can get great-looking bargains for less. One favorite new find might make a big difference!

Join Al-Anon. A support group for friends and family members of alcoholics, you will find many people here who will understand because they have been there. These groups provide support, understanding and a place to tell your story. It can feel counter-intuitive, especially if you have been raised in an addictive home where secrets often rein, but we believe that we are only as sick as our secrets. As soon as you can admit to your feelings and share the ways in which you have been hurt with others you will be amazed at how free you will feel.

Get a copy of the book Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping. There are many great exercises in the book for helping to forgive your parents, free you from your past and move forward with your life. One we would especially recommend for you is called “A Wake for Your Inner Child.” In this meditation, you lay to rest the aches and pains of your childhood that you are still carrying around with you so that you can move on with your life.

Ask yourself: What would I do first with my singing dream if I knew it was possible? Then take that first step towards your singing career. Would you take some voice lessons? Would you find a band to join? Would you form one? Whatever you think that next step would be, take it and see what happens. You'll be glad you did! From there, follow your heart to take the next best step after that!

Seek and find your faith. You say that you previously had religious beliefs. Some of what you may be feeling is a sense of disconnection from your Spirit.  Ever read, “Are you there, God, it’s me Margaret?” by Judy Blume. As you are falling asleep at night, say a few words of your own to God, Source, the Universe or any name that works for you. Let whatever and wherever you are bubble up and out. Clear your heart, soul and mind of what’s worrying and weighing on you the most. If you listen, you just might get an answer!

Then look around your area for a new faith community. Try different churches, even different religions and see what resonates with you right now. If you start to cry or feel your heart expand when you are there this may be a sign that you have found a new spiritual home. Look for some place that makes you feel joyful, alive, expansive and go as often as you can.

Remember that you are here for a reason. Don't give up on finding your life's purpose before you even start. Keep trying. We like how Albert Einstein puts it here, "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving."

We send your body, mind, spirit and soul peace, oneness, love and light today and all days. Know that you are never alone on your path and that Source is always with you prospering you and guiding you to the right and perfect next steps.

Jennifer & Lara

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