When and How to Consciously Quit

Dear Soul Sisters,

My question is about quitting. I grew up hearing the old adage, "Winners never quit and quitters never win," and I have always assumed that this is true, but the new paradigm of the world (including some of your advice) seems to contradict this. What do you think about quitting (a job, a marriage, a commitment you have made) in general? To get more specific to my situation, I am involved with a non-profit organization that, although it does great work, has lots of negativity and aggravation behind the scenes. Some days I just feel like walking out. What should I do?

"You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run."

Kenny Rogers, The Gambler

Dear Confused About Quitting:

Thanks for your question! Quitting can be confusing so we appreciate you helping us get clear about our beliefs in writing. While you’re right about traditional wisdom (and many a sports metaphor) encouraging the tough to get going when the going gets rough, we’d encourage you to look within and see if what resonates with you today.

But first, let’s take a look at the global context. You hit the nail on the head when you said there has been a paradigm shift in the world. We would characterize it as an evolution from this old adage (“winners never quit...”) to the sentiment in Ecclesiastes 3:1, “To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.” And, unlike in the past when the season would be determined by what was going on outside of ourselves - by the government, the tribe, the landowner, etc. - the season is now determined by what is going on inside of each of us.

Collectively, all souls on the planet are in the process of evolving. Part of this awakening is unfolding into greater freedom and individuality. Today more than ever, what’s true for one person need not be true for everyone. We no longer rely on the collective for our basic survival needs as we did in prehistoric times and even up until very recently. Thus, the more individual freedom we have the more the old values and ways of doing things are replaced by our inner knowing. And, because of global technology, each individual voice has more tools now than ever for self-expression. Through Social Media, individual opinions around our Earth are expressed, welcomed and incorporated; when there is a wave of popular opinion, we see such things as revolution in Egypt and Netflix re-thinking their “Qwikster” gaffe.

Now onto your situation and truth. The first thing we would suggest (we feel like a broken record here but we just can't say enough about how important alone-time is in this day and age) is to step into the silence, away from the phone, your email and the busyness and business of your life in meditation. Connect with Source as you see it and get totally still. 

In this place, check in on this commitment and how it feels to you right now. Does it make you angry? Does it make you want to run and hide? Does it make you sad that things are being conducted in a way you do not like, but are you still committed to and invested in their mission and the service they provide? Ask your heart and higher self what it wants to do with this situation. As much as possible, stay out of your mind here and really feel into your heart. To access this place of total love, picture the face of someone you love unconditionally like a small child or a beloved pet. Then ask again, “what do I want to do here now?”

In this - and any situation - the truth will ALWAYS make you feel lighter and more at peace. In contrast, fear will make you feel dark, heavy and more afraid. Once you have your answer, you can then get to work processing your feelings and moving through life accordingly.

If your answer is, as Kenny says above, to walk away and quit the organization you are involved with, we would say GO FOR IT. We’d support you in knowing that there is something new and different out there for you. In order to make room for that next thing, you need to leave this behind. Quitting doesn't carry with it the same stigma that it once did. We are no longer required to stick around somewhere that doesn't work for us or where we are being mis-treated, used or abused. However, we believe that we still have an obligation to each other as human beings to behave with integrity and to do the best we can to honor our commitments to each other.

That is, HOW you do it also very important. If you have no spoken or unspoken agreement with this organization to be in service for a particular period of time or project then you have no reason to stick around. If, however, you have made some kind of a commitment to this group, we would suggest that you do try and honor your commitment. However, if honoring the commitment puts you at risk in any way – again, if you are being used, abused, taken advantage of or treated poorly in a way that you can't or don't feel you deal with or protect yourself against - we would say it is time to go NOW.

If at all possible, give the person in charge of your project or area of service a written or verbal notice. If they are part of the problem, then notify their immediate supervisor or another person on the project. Then use your best judgment here. Is it worthwhile to let someone know what your experience has been? Is there someone in the organization that can hear what you have to say and that you feel will act with integrity to resolve the issue? If so, you may choose to say something. If not, perhaps it is better just to cut and run.

Then spend sometime alone processing your feelings of grief, loss and yes, even shame around “quitting” here. Talk to your inner child, the one who learned to stay even when it doesn’t feel good anymore, and let her know you’ve got a new way of living life. Assure her that no matter how anyone else reacts, you know you are listening to your heart and serving your highest good here. Tell her that you love her so much and will not ever leave her alone. We’d also direct you to our earlier advice on “should-ing” yourself here.

In the same way, if you feel that you want to stay, but the situation is being made untenable, ask yourself, “What, if anything, can I do to create change in this organization?” Spend some additional time in meditation. We’d suggest asking God, Source or the Universe for the highest good for all in this situation. Maybe it’s time for you to speak up about what’s not working for you with the non-profit work? Maybe there are others there too who feel the same way but are too afraid to say anything? If you decide to stay, do the heart exercise again and ask what your role here, then, is to be? The answer might just surprise you! 

Once you have your answer, set a reasonable time to try it. If it doesn't work, ask again and try that idea for a set time as well. Agree with yourself that if the third (or fourth or whatever you think is doable for you) thing you try doesn't work, you will let yourself off the hook and let yourself set yourself free from this commitment.

As you leave, say a prayer that all will be in Divine order for you and for all concerned. Know that as you leave you open up space for new energy to come into this organization, perhaps someone who feels called to this work or whose Divine purpose is to shift this energy to something more positive. Once of our favorite affirmations is ALL IS WELL. Repeat this to yourself as you move out of this situation and move into something more suited to where you are now. Know that it is so.

Blessings to you as you hear your heart & honor its truth!

Peace, oneness, love & light,

Lara & Jennifer

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