Tips to Calm a "Monkey Mind"

Dear Soul Sisters,

When I have a day or two off, my mind thinks so much that I end up getting a
headache. How can I learn to relax without obsessing about the future or my
family's problems?

"Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." --Eckhart Tolle, "The Power of Now"

Dear Too Much Time on My Hands:

Thanks for your question. Our minds, while wonderful and powerful tools, can monkey with us and it sounds like yours is busy when you’re not. We hear how this is causing you stress and we’re happy to help.

First, we’ve got a feeling from your headaches and mention of family problems that doing some grief and release work might do you some good. As the body is often the storehouse of stress, we’d suggest some vigorous exercise to get energy moving though you. Up & out is always better than down & in! What’s something that brings you joy to do? Running, soccer, boxing, karate or swimming? Even if it’s a simple walk around your neighborhood, get out of your house and out of your head! We’d suggest taking more of your down time each week to get active! As this becomes a habit, you’ll likely notice you exercise more and yes, worry less - a wonderful side-effect!

Secondly, we’d like to introduce you to the power of NOW. Unlike the past or the future you’re worried about, it IS. The time you have “too much of” is actually the gift of being alive! See if you can feel into wherever you are. Take some deep breaths and notice your surroundings. Look around you. What can you be grateful for in the present moment? Feel into the real-ness of what is. Often when we take time and space to do this, we are able to recognize our own aliveness and the beauty of being just where we are. The more you practice this, the more you will be able to bring yourself back to the present moment when your mind begins to wander. It all starts with a breath!

Once you are feeling calmer and more centered ask yourself this question: AM I OKAY RIGHT NOW? So often we are thinking about – and living – days, weeks, even years into the future. Worrying about our future financial situation, our future relationship situation, our future job situation. We have no idea what the next moment will bring, not to mention the next year. That is not to say we should not make plans and set goals, but simply realize that it is all up for grabs and the only thing we really need to worry about is right now. So, ask yourself: Am I okay right now? If the answer is yes, let out your breath (you probably didn't even realize you were holding it did you?), give thanks to Spirit, The Universe or God for all you are and all you have right now.

If the answer is no, if one of your basic needs (food, clothing, shelter, health care, etc.) is not being met, ask yourself what you need to do right now to work towards that need being met. Have a short brainstorming session with yourself. Come up with five ideas and then decide to try one. Take the first step. If that idea doesn't work, start over. Choose another idea, take the first step. Repeat until your need is met. Thinking about all the possibilities and all the steps to make each happen can be crazy-making. Our mind starts racing, our brain short-circuits and we become paralyzed. By breaking things down and focusing on one thing at a time, our brains can actually process what is happening and we can get more done because we are not feeling so overwhelmed.

These small steps DO matter in the big scheme of things. With the passing of Steve Jobs last week, we’d love to share some of his wisdom with you:

"So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever, because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well-worn path and that will make all the difference."

You might not know the HOW; just trust that everything you do does contribute. Look back on your life. What small decisions or incidents led to huge doors opening? See, it works!

Everything that is happening is here in the now and it always will be. The past cannot be altered and any worry about the future is energy spent in fear of things not guaranteed to happen. As Albert Einstein says, “Worry is the misuse of imagination.” Without taking on too much shame or blame around this, we’d urge you instead to harness the creative power of your imagination. A slight shift in consciousness can create miracles in your life!

Next, it sounds like you could use some fun in your life! Do you have a hobby or pastime outside of work? If not, spend some time thinking about what you enjoy doing – or think you would enjoy doing – and find a way to make time for that. Do you already have a hobby, but perhaps you treat it as another thing to do, another thing on the list? Get a hobby that is JUST FOR FUN with no possibility of it becoming a career or money-making venture: join an adult league sports team, take up a brand new instrument, go hiking or backpacking if that interests you. Make sure it is something that feeds your soul and keep this thing just for your enjoyment.

We would also suggest you read “The Artist's Way” by Julia Cameron. Most people read this to jump-start an artistic pursuit, but for you we would suggest it as a way to disconnect from the DOING (which it sounds like you don't have a problem with) and to connect to the not-doing part of being an artist (and we are all artists whether we recognize it or not; your medium may be paint or pies, words or wit, we are all creative in our own way). There are two exercises in this book that may be particularly helpful for you: Morning Pages and The Artist Date.

Morning Pages are three full pages of stream-of-consciousness writing, done preferably first thing in the morning (before you even have your first cup of joe). Write the first thing that comes into your mind without thinking about it or editing it. Write about your worries, your concerns, your ideas, and your wishes. If writing in the morning doesn't work for you, try writing first thing when you get home from work. Or in your case, whenever you feel like you have too much down time, pick up your journal and write three pages. Get it all out on paper and you may feel like you don't have to spend as much time on it in your head.

The Artist's Date is similar in purpose to the “just for fun” hobby. Once a week take your inner artist (or your inner-child if you will) on a “play date.” This is not an errand - no grocery shopping or picking up the dry-cleaning - this is a JUST FOR FUN activity. Go to a movie, go roller-blading, go out and play tourist in your hometown. Anything that makes your heart sing and your mouth smile qualifies. Keep this date sacred as you would a date with the love of your life. Don't flake out on yourself.

Finally, we’ll leave you with the knowledge that you are not alone in this. We’d invite you to ask God, Source, The Universe for help with whatever you are dealing with. Turn it over. Do this instead of worrying and watch your world change. Each time you feel a fearful thought rising up, say a prayer instead. You might find that you are constantly praying at first but what a wonderful obsession to have!

We send you peace, presence and the power of NOW on your path. Trust that all of your needs are met now and always by your higher power. Sometimes Divine Timing can look different than ours yet it is always perfect.

Peace, Oneness, Love & Light,
Jennifer & Lara 

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