Set Yourself Up for a Happy Holiday Season!

Dear Soul Sisters,

As the holidays approach, I am starting to feel stressed by invitations and have-to's already. Any advice on how best to meet my needs and those of my family without getting overloaded or hurting anyone's feelings?

Thanks,

Wanting To Do It Differently This Year

"JOY ALONE IS THE TRUTH." --The Universe

Dear Wanting To Do It Differently,

Thanks so much for your question and here’s to the holidays! Just by asking, it sounds like you’ve set your intention to create something special and new for you this year! Congrats on getting clear and starting NOW to set your boundaries and honor your soul!

Ah, yes the pre-holiday dread we know it well. It isn't just retail outlets that are pushing holidays earlier and earlier (we saw Halloween candy out in August this year!), it seems we are all thinking about what's coming up months (sometimes even years) before it's happening. All of this “forward thinking” has its place (we like a good plan as much as the next person), but it really gets in the way of being in the moment, which is where all the good stuff really happens.

As per usual, we’d invite you to start with some time in meditation. Perhaps throw on your favorite holiday music (if it makes you happy!) to set the mood? Feel into your heart. If stressful memories arise, see if you can notice them without attaching to them. Wave hello if you’d like, but don’t hunker down into the feelings they bring up.

Next, take some time to ground and center yourself. If you don't already have a grounding exercise that you use, sign-up to get our FREE Violet Flame meditation (see sidebar to your right) that starts with one. Try and do this every day from now until the New Year. Bananas are also an excellent food to eat - and great on the GO - when you need to ground in a jiffy.  Staying grounded will help you handle all of those pre-holiday conversations – and the holidays themselves – with aplomb.

Once you are grounded and centered, ask yourself what your ideal holiday season looks like.

* Where are you? At home? At someone’s house in particular? Away?

* Who is there with you? Friends? Family? Extended family? Neighbors? Or people you just met?

* What are you eating & drinking? Traditional turkey, Indian buffet or tacos by the beach?

* What are you doing after? Relaxing by the fire? Skiing off from the chalet? Swimming in the sea?

Write about or draw your ideal holiday “plan.” Really spend some time with it and let yourself dream big. If you want peace, relaxation and calm, ask yourself: What can I (we) do to create that this holiday season? See what pops for you! Alternatively, if you want new, exciting, and different, start brainstorming some ideas and see what comes up & out! From here, you can craft your dream holiday! Remember, this is your IDEAL holiday scenario so see what comes without knowing the how or why of it just yet!

Once you’ve got this picture, dig a bit deeper to see how you are FEELING here. Are you relaxed by the vision you’ve given time and space to? Are you energized and excited to plan something adventerous? Write a list of the feelings that arise for you. 

We’d then invite you to stop and pray. Ask God, Spirit, Source or The Universe to surround your holiday season with this feeling. If it’s calm, fill your prayer with peaceful phrases and affirmations that it is so. If you’re seeking excitement and adventure, ask that the path to that be opened to you and that everything falls into place for the planning. If loving connection is what you’re craving, pray that you head into the season with an open heart and that you spend time with the right and perfect people. Mix and match for your dream days ahead!

Let your ideal holiday plan marinate for a couple of days and then come back to it. Is this still what you want or have other things come to the fore? Make a second draft and use that as your jumping off point for your planning and negotiations. 

Now get to work on a second list. This is the “NOT GOING TO DO IT” list. What things have you done in the past that you regretted or did not work for you? This is the non-negotiable list. These are the things you WILL NOT do. Hold yourself to this and honor your limitations and boundaries. Some examples might be: I will only attend one event per day (thus avoiding the great holiday shuffle that finds you – and your kids if you have them – wasted at the end of the year, too exhausted to celebrate 2012) or I will only stay at so-and-so's house for 3 hours or less because that's all I can handle.

Since holidays rarely exist in a vacuum, you’ll need to talk to your significant other (if you’ve got one) and/or your kids about what their vision is too. Begin having the conversation with your partner, family, friends, and other people you are going to be spending the holidays with. Ask them what their wishes and desires are as well as their "NOT GOING TO DO IT's." Work from a place of flexibility and compromise, while holding your ground on what works and does not work for you. This may take some time and diplomacy, but it'll be well worth it. 

Try and keep your sense of humor during this process and make sure you plan at least one “get to” over the holiday season. What is the one thing that you genuinely look forward to every year? Is it holiday baking? The Nutcracker Suite? Buying gifts for that someone special? Lock out one day in the next three months that is devoted to your personal favorite holiday tradition. Ask each person in your family to come up with one thing/activity that is special for them. While you can’t make everybody happy ALL the time, it’s a great place to start by honoring that which they LOVE the most!

Now comes the hard part...Once you have come up with a plan that works for everyone, let it go. That's right, we said LET IT GO. The key to Happy Holidays, we believe, are good boundaries PLUS flexibility. Realize that things come up, plans change and we are all at the mercy of the Universe, perhaps especially during the holiday season. Proceed as if the plan were the plan, but allow for last minute changes, additions, and upsets. Allow things to be as they are. Let go of the perfect “Norman Rockwell” holidays and realize that those you are spending the holidays with are feeling the same pressures as you are. Remind yourself that this the holidays are really just one or two days out of the year. Make it special not by making it weighty, but by making it light. Allow yourself to be light and shine this light on others.

In addition, during this can-be-stressful time, make sure you are at your best by taking good care of yourself: get plenty of sleep, exercise more than usual, meditate daily in addition to grounding, eat well and avoid overdoing it on the alcohol. The better you feel, the easier the holidays will go!

It’s great that you are starting early and can go about setting your boundaries. Many people get several invitations to choose from which is a wonderful gift. We’d invite you to read our previous posts on saying NO if you need help in this area. Remember where you started this season. Tap into that vision as often as you need to and know that the feeling you are after is your heart’s truth.

Also, give yourself permission to NOT take on everyone’s feelings this year. Saying “YES” to yourself might disappoint others and their vision. Know, though, that the time has come for you as a person - and us as a planet - to honor our own hearts and well being. This self-love is the key to creating heaven – not hell – on Earth for the holidays and for everyday! You speaking your truth and setting yourself up for peace with automatically inspire others to do the same for themselves!

Take good care during this festive and busy time! May your holidays be full of peace, oneness, love and light!

Jennifer & Lara

 

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p.s. Confidential to Angeline. We've got your question and are working hard on it. Until next week, love & light from our hearts to yours!