Dear Soul Sisters,
With gift wrap season upon us (aka school fundraising) how do I tactfully and effectively not buy from my friends when I have to sell some myself? I often feel bad saying "no" and I don't want to damage any friendships. I know they need to sell stuff but I have the same pressures. Thank you Soul Sisters....
"Reclaim the power of 'no' without guilt. It’s a beautiful thing - for you, for the other person and for the relationship. It offers everyone involved the gift of self responsibility. When you have clear reasons and a clear strategy for saying 'no' it becomes a very positive and empowering experience." --Ian Lawton
Dear Under Pressure,
Thanks so much for your question! As school is back in full swing, we’ve got a feeling you’re not the only one wondering.
Dear Soul Sisters truly believe that, "No is a complete sentence," but sometimes, especially when interacting with friends, it just isn't that easy. Sometimes you need a little bit more. Here are some ideas about how to say “No” while maintaining friendships.
Say it with GRACE. There is a scene in the movie "The King's Speech" that we love to think of when we need to say something hard with a lot of grace. The wife of the King's speech therapist asks the Queen to stay for dinner and she declines with such grace it was as if she had accepted. It went something like this: She smiles, puts her hand on her chest and says, "Oh dear, I would LOVE to, but of course we have a state dinner tonight. Thank you so much for the invitation." It was the kindest "No" we’ve ever heard and we try to emulate it every time we must decline an invitation or a request.
Say it with HUMOR. Often humor is the easiest way to diffuse a tense situation. If you feel that there are likely to be hurt feelings, try making a joke about how much weight you have gained from all the Girl Scout cookies you ate this spring or about how you are swimming in wrapping paper in your basement. Then say, “we just don't need anymore ___________, thanks and I appreciate the offer!”
Say it with COMPASSION. Since you’re all in the same "parents as salespeople" boat, empathize with their situation. Talk about how much pressure you feel to sell stuff to raise money for your school and empathize with the pressure they must be feeling. Then offer to strike an "I won't ask you if you don't ask me" deal. Taking the selling thing off of the table from both sides may bring a lot of relief and keep things clean and clear between you!
Say it with (a little bit of) MONEY. If you want to support their school or cause, but the product is not something that you are interested in buying at all, ask if you can "buy nothing." In other words, ask if you can make a donation to the cause without buying anything (this idea came from the book "Darth Paper Strikes Back" by Tom Angleberger). Perhaps agree with yourself to a set amount each time you are asked (such as $5 or $10) and make a small monetary donation to each person who asks. That way they feel that you are supporting their cause, but you are not stuck with something you don't want.
Finally, know that your friends are in the same position (having to sell, being asked to buy) so more than likely they will understand if you just don't need one more candy bar or roll of wrapping paper. We often overestimate the degree to which saying “No” to a friend will effect them. More than likely they will understand and not mind at all (after all, they are feeling the same pressure). They may just thank you for your honesty and for keeping your friendship real!
First of all, congrats on your clarity! We hear you saying loud and clear what your priorities are and that’s a big blessing! As a parent, your job is to help your kids by modeling clear boundaries and open and honest communication. Now, to speak your truth…
Say it with GRACE. There is a scene in the movie "The King's Speech" that we love to think of when we need to say something hard with a lot of grace. The wife of the King's speech therapist asks the Queen to stay for dinner and she declines with such grace it was as if she had accepted. It went something like this: She smiles, puts her hand on her chest and says, "Oh dear, I would LOVE to, but of course we have a state dinner tonight. Thank you so much for the invitation." It was the kindest "No" we’ve ever heard and we try to emulate it every time we must decline an invitation or a request.
Say it with HUMOR. Often humor is the easiest way to diffuse a tense situation. If you feel that there are likely to be hurt feelings, try making a joke about how much weight you have gained from all the Girl Scout cookies you ate this spring or about how you are swimming in wrapping paper in your basement. Then say, “we just don't need anymore ___________, thanks and I appreciate the offer!”
Say it with COMPASSION. Since you’re all in the same "parents as salespeople" boat, empathize with their situation. Talk about how much pressure you feel to sell stuff to raise money for your school and empathize with the pressure they must be feeling. Then offer to strike an "I won't ask you if you don't ask me" deal. Taking the selling thing off of the table from both sides may bring a lot of relief and keep things clean and clear between you!
Say it with (a little bit of) MONEY. If you want to support their school or cause, but the product is not something that you are interested in buying at all, ask if you can "buy nothing." In other words, ask if you can make a donation to the cause without buying anything (this idea came from the book "Darth Paper Strikes Back" by Tom Angleberger). Perhaps agree with yourself to a set amount each time you are asked (such as $5 or $10) and make a small monetary donation to each person who asks. That way they feel that you are supporting their cause, but you are not stuck with something you don't want.
Finally, know that your friends are in the same position (having to sell, being asked to buy) so more than likely they will understand if you just don't need one more candy bar or roll of wrapping paper. We often overestimate the degree to which saying “No” to a friend will effect them. More than likely they will understand and not mind at all (after all, they are feeling the same pressure). They may just thank you for your honesty and for keeping your friendship real!
Again, we congratulate you for getting clear on your truth and send you lots of light and love as you navigate the sometimes murky waters of sales and friendship!
Peace, oneness, love & light,
Jennifer & Lara
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PERFECT timing, Soul Sisters! I just did the "No, but may I help some other way." Come to find out, the parent was fine with that - they were simply going along with the school's request. She even gave me some specific suggestions based on her time helping out in the classroom and speaking with the teacher. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteSo happy to have helped & thanks for sharing your success story with us!
ReplyDelete