Advice for an Empty Nest Mother

Dear Soul Sisters,

The problem is: I've dedicated my life to my children and now they are 
grown up and I'm lost, lonely and manless, too scared to look, don't know where
 to look. I don't mind being alone but that gets lonely sometimes.

“Always, a shift in awareness includes a period of isolation and loneliness as one gets accustomed to the new level of truth. And then, always, new companions are found. No one is left alone for long.” -Caroline Myss

Dear Feeling Lonely:

Thank you for writing. We hear how lost and lonely you feel and send you love and light from our hearts to yours. We know you, like most mothers, have given much time, attention and care to your children over the years. It's only natural that their absence leaves a hole in your life. Like many empty-nesters, you’re facing a lot of time on your hands and what seems like no one to spend it with right now. We are happy to help you during this time of transition. 

Yours is not an easy position to be in. Mothers dedicate their lives to their children and eventually, the children go off to make their own, often leaving their mothers far behind. The thing is, if you have done your job well, this is exactly as it should be. Take some time to revel in your accomplishments, in the successful job you have done as “Mother” and give yourself a pat on the back. Well done, Mom! Many indigenous cultures honor this milestone as a sacred passage from Mother to Crone. Crossing the threshold into wise-womanhood is a major milestone and one to be celebrated! So how do you get there?

Like in any transformation, we must first mourn the life we are leaving behind. Take some time to grieve. You have just been laid-off from your long-time job! This is a loss whose import is not to be underestimated. Allow yourself to cry, moan, wail, and sob. Think of a ritual – like spending a day looking at old photographs or holding a “graduation” party for yourself  – that might be a heart-opener for you. Often baby pictures and hand-made cards can carry us right back to when our kids were little and needing our nurturing non-stop. Allow yourself to stay in this space. See if tears bubble up for you and let them flow. Revisit this space when you are feeling lonely and give yourself permission to have a hard time with it. Your feelings are always an indication of what’s working its way through you!

We’d then invite you to look at this as the opportunity of a lifetime! You are FREE! There is no one demanding your time, attention or asking you to be anything for them right now. That means you can reinvent yourself as ANYTHING you’d like to be! Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Talk to the amazing woman looking back at you and ask her what she’d like to be now that she’s all grown up!

As you get going, take baby steps. Just as your kids learned to walk step by small step, so will you learn to discover and inhabit your new life. Journal about what comes up for you as you go through this process. Here are some areas and ideas to get you started:

* Physical - want to cut or color your hair or get into better shape? Make an appointment at the beauty parlor and sign up for a fitness class! Both are great ways to get out of the house, meet people and perk yourself up! Nothing’s sexier than a woman who loves being in her body!

* Social - what do you LOVE to do but haven’t in ages? Singing, dancing, painting or playing cards? Need some ideas? Look online at Meetup.com and see what’s happening near you. Chances are, there are others out there in the same boat looking for YOU!

* Spiritual - Have you lost touch with your spirituality? What’s the more that your soul is yearning for? Maybe it’s finding a mediation group or perhaps joining a new church or spiritual center. These are great places to meet people on the path and find a community family! 

* Altruistic - Look around the world. What breaks your heart open right now? How can you pitch in and make things better for the Earth you’ll leave behind? Look for a group in your area where you can participate and meet people looking to help in the same way! 

* Romantic - If you’d like to be in a relationship, get clear about who you’d most like to date. Make a divine order form, be very specific and see WHO shows up! Don't settle for anthing less than someone who loves and accepts you just as you are - and someone to whom you can offer the same. 

One great way to figure out what you really want to do is to write a card to yourself on your 100^th birthday. It’s a fun exercise that can get your creative juices flowing! What are the things you’ve accomplished that you’re most proud of so far? What stones are left unturned in birthing your legacy?

Once you’ve spent some time soul searching, make a list of all of your goals and affirm that the HOW is not up to you! Ask The Universe that the right and perfect doors open up around you and then walk through them. Saying YES to life will be the fastest way for life to answer you right back! Also, it’s a great idea to talk about your desires with friends and family (assuming this feels safe.) You could mention that you are looking into classes and open for dating. You never know who knows Mr. Right!

It is one of the great ironies of life that we see the grass as always greener! As a Mom with young kids you probably longed for quiet time alone to do whatever you wanted. And now that you have it, you miss the kids, the action, the noise and the excitement of life with children. That is only natural. Try and remember how much you would have loved to have this time a few years ago and try and love it that much again. One day you will have a different life and you may look back on this time and wish you had enjoyed it more. So don't wait, enjoy it now as much as you possibly can!

Finally we'd love to leave you with these words of wisdom from White Elk, “When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.”

Much love to you as you expand into your new life. Keep us posted on how your new chapter unfolds!

 Peace, Oneness, Love & Light,

Jennifer & Lara

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