Dear Soul Sisters,
How do you know when you are extending yourself too much? Specifically, how do you flow with life's stresses and feelings of exhaustion from a spiritual perspective?
“Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.”
Dear Exhausted:
Thanks so much for your question. Since you’re asking, we have a feeling you’re officially over-extended. From deep inside the recesses of your soul, you are sending yourself a message: I need a rest! Give yourself a pat on the back for listening – that's not an easy thing to do when life is rushing past at lightning speed.
First, we’d suggest stopping wherever you are to breathe deeply. Feel how just a pause in life’s action can reacquaint you with your soul. Slowing down enough to do this during the day is the best way we know to reduce stress and reconnect us to our hearts. Spiritual experts from Eckhart Tolle (who advises, in his book A New Earth, to “Take one breath”) to Maureen Moss (whose powerful affirmation, “I am willing to stop and breathe whenever I am out of peace,” we love and use often) suggest simply breathing as a way to get back to our peaceful, centered selves.
In modern life, it’s so easy to get caught up in the “have-to” mindset. We race around from one activity to another and rarely schedule time to rest and replenish. As your advisers, we’d start by prescribing a weekly “Do nothing day!” Write it in your book - in PEN if necessary - and make sure you stick with it. Make NO plans other than to be with yourself in and around your home. Take a bath, light candles and play music that lifts your spirits. Stay in your pajamas all day and brew up some herbal tea. Journal, meditate and simply soak up the pleasure of you!
Next, take a look at your calendar. Consciousness is an eye-opening gift to your evolution in this area. Track all of your activities for one week and capture exactly how much time you spend doing what: Laundry, online, eating, sleeping, sex, socializing, shopping, worrying, working – it ALL counts. What can you realistically eliminate or reduce from this that would make you feel better? If you’ve gotten into the habit of doing something out of “should,” just say NO. (See our answer to "Feeling Guilty" for some tips & tools on this one.) Is there something you love doing but haven’t had time for in months? Start proactively managing your life TODAY to ensure that your activities mirror your interests.
If you are having trouble deciding which activities to eliminate and which to hold onto, try working through the above list using kinesiology, or muscle testing, to access your inner knowing. (Click HERE to learn more about muscle testing.) You may also use a pendulum to do the same thing. Another technique we like is to use your body as a pendulum. Stand up straight and tall. Assign one answer (YES) to forward movement and another answer (NO) to backward movement. Ask The Universe a question (such as, “Is it in my highest interest and the highest interest of all concerned that I continue to __________?”) Stand tall and wait. If your body shifts forward, the answer is YES; if backward, the answer is NO.
Go through your list and ask your higher self if each activity is currently serving your highest good right now. If the answer is YES, continue that activity. If the answer comes back NO, find a way to let go of that activity. In some cases, this may not be possible immediately as you want to move on in a way that honors the commitments you have made, while also honoring your self. Sometimes, however, this does mean stopping an activity abruptly, despite causing upset to others around you. If you feel this is the case, you may want to set an intention or say a prayer before leaving asking God, the Angels or The Universe to watch over all involved and usher in the highest possible outcome for all. Then move forward with confidence knowing that all is in Divine Order.
If the thing causing you stress is something you just can't let go of, like parenting or your job, find ways to mitigate its impact on your psyche. Many times we – women and mothers especially – do our jobs to 110% of our ability, when 90% would do. We are not suggesting that you give up or do shoddy work, but rather that you do an honest assessment of your input and see if everything you are doing is really necessary. Your kids would probably be just as happy – perhaps even more so – with pizza one night a week instead of a home-cooked meal; and your boss probably wouldn't even notice the difference if you started taking your lunch hour instead of sitting at your desk. Getting out and nourishing yourself, sneaking in a bit of time at the gym or at a park for a mid-day meditation session, may even make you more productive!
In case you're keeping it all inside, we'd suggest sharing openly and honestly how you are feeling with those around you. Direct communication about where we are is one of the greatest gifts we can give the people in our lives. Once our family, friends and co-workers know that we still care about them, about our work and our mutual activities, they can relax and allow us the time we need to re-energize. You can then feel more free to take the break you so deserve!
As you are working though taking space for yourself, tune into what feelings surface for you. Generally speaking, over-achieving and pushing ourselves so hard tends to be a deeply ingrained habit. What are you afraid will happen if you slow down? Is someone or something external keeping you running so fast and hard though life? Write down the emotions that surface for you. For example, “I am afraid of not being good enough.” Really sit with that. Give yourself love and compassion for facing your feelings. The deep truth is that simply being ourselves is enough and somewhere along the line we forgot this. We learned (erroneously) that we had to BE, DO and SHOW something to prove our worth. Start by learning to love yourself openly, authentically and unconditionally.
As you move forward into your “new” life, remember that you can only do one thing at a time while being fully present. Try and take things as they come, one by one. Stay in the here and now and try not to leap forward into next year, next week or even tomorrow. This advice – Be Here Now - has become almost cliched in spirituality these days, having been offered up by so many. And, like most cliches, it holds a great nugget of truth. Eckhart Tolle's book “The Power of Now,” is a great one for relearning how to connect fully with the present moment.
Finally, we would recommend bookending your day with quiet meditation time. Commit to taking 20 minutes in the morning (get up early if you have to) to sit alone and connect within. At the end of the day, do the same. Turn off the TV, put down the computer and just tune into you! Not only will your sleep improve but your mind will relax. The monkey-mind feeds on more stress and by doing this, you’ll slowly starve it. Journal about your new practice if you would like to see how adding this exercise is affecting your overall exhaustion level.
And speaking of sleep....we can’t say enough about how important it is! (As the Dalai Lama says, “Sleep is the best meditation.”) Make sure you are getting a good seven to nine hours a night at least. If you have trouble sleeping, an earlier bedtime often helps. Try and tune into your body's natural clock. Go to bed when you start to feel tired, not when you are past the point of exhaustion. Avoid caffeine, alcohol, sugar and rigorous exercise too close to bedtime as these can perk you up right as you are trying to relax. If your exhaustion is chronic, or has gotten noticeably worse as of late, seeing your doctor for a quick checkup couldn't hurt either!
Blessings to you as you move forward. May you find peace and happiness in every moment.
Peace, Oneness, Love and Light,
Jennifer & Lara
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