Grace after Grief?

Hi Soul Sisters-
 

I found my love, my husband - the one, soul mate, friend, lover - he died after 12 entirely too short years. How do you reinvent yourself after that? I have spent the past three years trying to heal, move forward, move on, be content, be peaceful... any of the above. Now I just hope to live my life with some degree of grace & even that seems monumental... 
  

"The most beautiful people are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. Beautiful people do not just happen." Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Dear Grace:

 

We are so sorry for your loss. As you have experienced, heartbreak and grief of that magnitude takes time, patience and amazing grace to heal. It travels with you, a line in the sand of your life. Before and after, you are never the same. In that paradox, though, lies the key to moving on. You are not alone, your husband is with you and your souls shall be forever joined. Talk with him, laugh with him, cry with him and know, you are together in spirit.



Sometimes, however, a lack of grace is warranted. When a tragic event occurs, we need to give ourselves time and space – not to mention permission – to cry, wail and bemoan the unfairness of it all. If you have not yet allowed yourself this – because you were holding it together, taking care of others, or just doing what you thought was expected of you – make time for it now.

As you've no doubt experienced, grief can be incredibly isolating. We can't imagine that anyone knows what we're feeling and it's true. But there are others who've gone through something similar. If it feels right to you, do a google search for "bereavement" in your city and look for a support group. You need not heal through this alone and sharing your story might inspire you - and them - to get moving.

From a spiritual perspective, of course, we are never alone. Yet we often forget to ask for help. Try sharing your feelings with God, Source, The Universe or whatever name you use for the Divine life force. Direct dialog and turning the pain over is one way to find relief from feeling that it's "yours" to bear in silence and solitude. 

We'd suggest reading Marianne Williamson's book "A Return to Love" in which she wonders why she forgets to go to God. A daily prayer practice is a great way to stay connected and keep our human selves from playing Superman/woman.

You've had the opportunity to meet, love and live with your "one" as human beings. Your gratitude for your life together is your greatest gift for reinventing yourself. Because your heart has been opened by love and loss you are forever changed. His death showed you the depth of your connection and your capacity to feel pain in a way few can imagine. You are now awake to life's fragility. You've learned it comes with no guarantee. This moment may be your last. Or ours. In that, there is incredible freedom if we can harness it.



Give yourself the gift of you. You've had an incredibly painful experience and you've grown from the inside out. Take time to appreciate the woman who has walked that path. You're here and you're stronger than you know for surviving. Be gentle with yourself about where you are and see if you can find enthusiasm about where you're headed. If you're at a loss, take your inner-child on a play date. Go to the park, swing on the swings, run through the grass or jump in a cool mountain lake. Ride a bike, roller-blade or whatever makes your soul sing. We sometimes forget about joy, awe and wonder but our little ones never do!


Re-examine your time, your priorities, your relationships and your energy. Where are you putting it? Does it feed you or drain you? Is there something you've always wanted to try but haven't? Dance, sing, skydive or ride a camel across the desert. Whatever your BIG dream is, do it now. Find others who share your enthusiasm. Join a club, take a class, or sign up for a group travel experience. Meetup.com is great for connecting people who share common interests.

Finally we would say, don't give up on love. Often when someone loses their soul mate they shut down, thinking, “that's it for me.” But we don't believe The Universe gives us only one shot at true love. Soul mates come in many shapes and sizes and another kind of love may await you should you desire it. This does not diminish what you had with your husband; in fact, we would say it affirms it. Loving him – and losing him – has opened your heart in a way few of us experience. A broken heart, given time to heal, is stronger in many ways than one that's never been broken. Once you have truly grieved this loss, you may find you have MORE love to give than ever before. We hope so!

 Blessings to you as you move forward.

Peace, oneness, love and light,



Jennifer & Lara







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